It's about how Apollo and Artemis became gods. The prophecies suck, so if you can help, that would be great. Constructive criticism. My friend and I are going back and forth writing this with each other so... we kind of want someone's opinion. Thanks:
Chapter One: The Stars Unite
“THE PLANETS HAVE ALLIGNED, THE STARS HAVE UNITED!” the leader pounded his staff into the ground.
“No,” came a chorus of voices.
“YES… i-it is…happening,” the leader sighed.
“They must find us,” the smart girl muttered.
“Yes. My children…must save us from a horrible fate. And they may die.”
On that happy note, Apollo woke up. He glanced at his sister, taking care of the hunting for their food, cleaning her bow and arrow.
“My children must save us from a horrible fate and they may die.”
It wasn’t them. Apollo and Artemis. It couldn’t be. Apollo knew who the man in his dream was. It was Zeus. They were his children, he was sure of it. Mother had died a few years ago, and she said their father got struck by lightning, died. Then Apollo had another vision after mother died.
A and A, two holy ones. Son and daughter of the lighting.
All, though, then he was only three, so this could have meant anything. Anything to an average kid, sure. But Apollo knew himself.
Son and daughter of the lightning.
There was really only one way to interpret that and that was, “Hey, Apollo, Artemis, you know you guys are children of Zeus, right?” Thing is, Apollo knew they were more powerful than Hercules or Peruses.
They were as powerful as gods.
Artemis ran through the forest, embracing herself in the wind. How she loved the wild, the smells, the hunting, the nature. It was…magical.
“Garrrf!” the snarling/barking/grring thing came from the great sycamore.
“Apollo!” Artemis called, worry hidden in her voice.
The growling got louder.
“APOLLO!” Artemis cried. A full-grown hellhound launched herself at Artemis. “’POLLO!” she bellowed, shooting an alarm arrow. Apollo must have seen it, because she heard their camp site crumbling at Apollo’s feet, due to his clumsiness.
“Right here, sis,” Apollo unsheathed his knife and lunged into a hound. Artemis stabbed her arrow into the leader, who was attacking the poor girl. The leader jerked back at the impact of the arrow and her chest.
Apollo screamed once again, almost stabbing the hellhounds to scare them. The leader once again leaped out and bit Artemis. Just jumped and…sunk her teeth in.
“Apollo!” Artemis groaned. “It hurts!” she moaned. Artemis threw up. She groaned in pain at the sight of her blood.
“Little sis, you’re gonna have to wait!” with that, Apollo ran forward and stabbed every hound he could get with his knife. The leader snarled and stepped up.
“You may have frightened my team, music lord, but Rome-we’re not done yet!” the she-hound spun around, howled to her pack and stalked off, the pack of hellhounds following.
“Artemis!” Apollo shouted. He leaned down to check the cut. With what Apollo had, he cleaned he wound, wrapped the wound, and put pressure on it.
“Took you long enough,” Artemis joked through the pain.
“I guess you just had to get bitten,” Apollo teased his sister. Artemis stuck her tongue out. You could tell she was injured. Her cold yellow eyes were now tense with pain, her voice was scratchy and hard, her whole body shook.
Apollo's eyes flashed: three children of lightning, fulfill this prophecy; May thy not, they end this darkly; One perishes, peace and war; two become more than before; Two rivals fight, truth and war; the living lighting silences evermore; the stars become united; the darkness fails,
Apollo shook his head.
“Hmm?” Artemis asked. She gritted her teeth as she shifted to face her brother.
“Oh, what? Mm, nothing,” Apollo replied, tracing a cow in the dirt.
“Whatever. Can you go find some food?” Artemis asked, rubbing her cold arms.
“Yes, sis,” Apollo groaned. He sat up, grabbed his knife and stalked off.
“Gods, I hope he doesn’t get hurt,” Artemis whispered to herself.
Apollo hated hunting. It was true, Artemis was the better hunter. She was always more keen and alert. Apollo was distracted.
(To be continued)
(If you say it sucks, tell me why, and then tell me what we can do to fix it)
Chapter One: The Stars Unite
“THE PLANETS HAVE ALLIGNED, THE STARS HAVE UNITED!” the leader pounded his staff into the ground.
“No,” came a chorus of voices.
“YES… i-it is…happening,” the leader sighed.
“They must find us,” the smart girl muttered.
“Yes. My children…must save us from a horrible fate. And they may die.”
On that happy note, Apollo woke up. He glanced at his sister, taking care of the hunting for their food, cleaning her bow and arrow.
“My children must save us from a horrible fate and they may die.”
It wasn’t them. Apollo and Artemis. It couldn’t be. Apollo knew who the man in his dream was. It was Zeus. They were his children, he was sure of it. Mother had died a few years ago, and she said their father got struck by lightning, died. Then Apollo had another vision after mother died.
A and A, two holy ones. Son and daughter of the lighting.
All, though, then he was only three, so this could have meant anything. Anything to an average kid, sure. But Apollo knew himself.
Son and daughter of the lightning.
There was really only one way to interpret that and that was, “Hey, Apollo, Artemis, you know you guys are children of Zeus, right?” Thing is, Apollo knew they were more powerful than Hercules or Peruses.
They were as powerful as gods.
Artemis ran through the forest, embracing herself in the wind. How she loved the wild, the smells, the hunting, the nature. It was…magical.
“Garrrf!” the snarling/barking/grring thing came from the great sycamore.
“Apollo!” Artemis called, worry hidden in her voice.
The growling got louder.
“APOLLO!” Artemis cried. A full-grown hellhound launched herself at Artemis. “’POLLO!” she bellowed, shooting an alarm arrow. Apollo must have seen it, because she heard their camp site crumbling at Apollo’s feet, due to his clumsiness.
“Right here, sis,” Apollo unsheathed his knife and lunged into a hound. Artemis stabbed her arrow into the leader, who was attacking the poor girl. The leader jerked back at the impact of the arrow and her chest.
Apollo screamed once again, almost stabbing the hellhounds to scare them. The leader once again leaped out and bit Artemis. Just jumped and…sunk her teeth in.
“Apollo!” Artemis groaned. “It hurts!” she moaned. Artemis threw up. She groaned in pain at the sight of her blood.
“Little sis, you’re gonna have to wait!” with that, Apollo ran forward and stabbed every hound he could get with his knife. The leader snarled and stepped up.
“You may have frightened my team, music lord, but Rome-we’re not done yet!” the she-hound spun around, howled to her pack and stalked off, the pack of hellhounds following.
“Artemis!” Apollo shouted. He leaned down to check the cut. With what Apollo had, he cleaned he wound, wrapped the wound, and put pressure on it.
“Took you long enough,” Artemis joked through the pain.
“I guess you just had to get bitten,” Apollo teased his sister. Artemis stuck her tongue out. You could tell she was injured. Her cold yellow eyes were now tense with pain, her voice was scratchy and hard, her whole body shook.
Apollo's eyes flashed: three children of lightning, fulfill this prophecy; May thy not, they end this darkly; One perishes, peace and war; two become more than before; Two rivals fight, truth and war; the living lighting silences evermore; the stars become united; the darkness fails,
Apollo shook his head.
“Hmm?” Artemis asked. She gritted her teeth as she shifted to face her brother.
“Oh, what? Mm, nothing,” Apollo replied, tracing a cow in the dirt.
“Whatever. Can you go find some food?” Artemis asked, rubbing her cold arms.
“Yes, sis,” Apollo groaned. He sat up, grabbed his knife and stalked off.
“Gods, I hope he doesn’t get hurt,” Artemis whispered to herself.
Apollo hated hunting. It was true, Artemis was the better hunter. She was always more keen and alert. Apollo was distracted.
(To be continued)
(If you say it sucks, tell me why, and then tell me what we can do to fix it)