How do you like my Poem (Sad)?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Eazy E
  • Start date Start date
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Eazy E

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I used to know a woman deep within the sky
She was sweet and had something pure to her cry
But things changed and the distance caused her to flea
There are no more beautiful skies of stars left to see
My heart had shattered like a rock smashing a car windshield
MY moves used to be smooth but now I must yield
Our souls used to tangle more than vines growing up a tree
But the newspapers are all sold out, there are no stories for me
The fifth amendment is the only defense left to plea
With her I could pick my battles and win my wars
See the sun and the sky, but no longer that star outdoors
ceiling...get some sleep, you got SPED classes bright and early
Doubt...good advice. I think it has good content but I can make it more fluent and/or shorter...I just have a set writing style and its hard to break that barrier. thx for the advice
 
oh.. a poem that rhymes

edit:
i'm glad you succeeded in spending too much time thinking of ways to call someone a retard. now we know your wit is up to par with your ability to produce a decent poem.
 
good. But I think you should add more things like 'hidden' meaning. Make your poem easy to be read, like few words in a line, but really hidden in meaning, or can make many different interpretations.
 
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