dear all, please don't judge me based on my own story, but please try to help me with your sincere advice.
i'm in a relationship of 8 years + love my boyfriend very much. we are different and had our problems in the past. i had an affair too, which i told him, but this is 3-4 years ago. so it should not bother him that much anymore (i hope). the thing is the following: my boyfriend is a very outgoing and charming guy. sometimes a bit too nice
i agree being a bit jealous, but not over the top. in a normal way. i'm quite relaxed in general but there is some things which just bother me.
it concerns his CELL PHONE which he truly uses every thinkable moment, if i'm around or not. it's the first thing in the morning (in bed) that he checks his iphone and surfs on the internet.. and.. basically every moment i can think of. he knows how much this annoys me but never changed. lately, i admit having exagerated a bit with my jealousy + agree i have to change this. i checked his cell-phone (once or twice only) and found messages which were upsetting me a bit. one girl was trying to hit on him (but he replied neutral) when i told him, he was angry at me of course.
now, only since some weeks, my boyfriend acts in quite an agressive way. if now i just have a wondering look on my face (concerning his ipone) he tells me sometimes hurting and insulting things + became just unloving and unkind some times. i also noted that he never cuddles in bed, doesn't get close to me. but this is since months and months. the worst happened yesterday: we went to the movies + when i returned from the restroom, he was standing a bit offside, staring at his iphone, very concentrated, tiping something (not sure anymore). when he noticed a movement in the corner of his eyes (me), he flipped through the iphone very nervously and ended what he had been doing immediately when i got close. of course i asked + wondered. but in a neutral way as i know how much he dislikes questions. what followed was our worst fight.. he told me that "yes" he had a lover and "yes" he had been texting his girlfriend. of course i thought he was - again - just acting and really trying to hurt me. i did not believe his words. should i? basically, that night, he told me i was extremely jealous and destroying everything + i told him i no longer could stand his mean behaviour, his lovelessness and verbal agressiveness. finally, i had to promise him to no longer bother him whenever he is on his iphone or computer. and not check his phone anymore. it was the only solution yesterday.. but now.. i just feel empty.
i honestly think it always takes two to have a bad situation. i wanted to promise to change my jealousy and not react anymore. i try hard to be more distant and easy. should i change myself and accept simply everything? i try hard to be calm and easy... but at the same time think i have to hide myself. hide everything i am. i feel so sad. so empty. as i am still not completely convinced that he's such a saint. it's just so hurting to see him scroll through his phone all the time, checking his facebook account, checking phone messages every thinkable moment. just acting so restless and always absent. wouldn't anyone ask questions?
i'm in a relationship of 8 years + love my boyfriend very much. we are different and had our problems in the past. i had an affair too, which i told him, but this is 3-4 years ago. so it should not bother him that much anymore (i hope). the thing is the following: my boyfriend is a very outgoing and charming guy. sometimes a bit too nice
i agree being a bit jealous, but not over the top. in a normal way. i'm quite relaxed in general but there is some things which just bother me.it concerns his CELL PHONE which he truly uses every thinkable moment, if i'm around or not. it's the first thing in the morning (in bed) that he checks his iphone and surfs on the internet.. and.. basically every moment i can think of. he knows how much this annoys me but never changed. lately, i admit having exagerated a bit with my jealousy + agree i have to change this. i checked his cell-phone (once or twice only) and found messages which were upsetting me a bit. one girl was trying to hit on him (but he replied neutral) when i told him, he was angry at me of course.
now, only since some weeks, my boyfriend acts in quite an agressive way. if now i just have a wondering look on my face (concerning his ipone) he tells me sometimes hurting and insulting things + became just unloving and unkind some times. i also noted that he never cuddles in bed, doesn't get close to me. but this is since months and months. the worst happened yesterday: we went to the movies + when i returned from the restroom, he was standing a bit offside, staring at his iphone, very concentrated, tiping something (not sure anymore). when he noticed a movement in the corner of his eyes (me), he flipped through the iphone very nervously and ended what he had been doing immediately when i got close. of course i asked + wondered. but in a neutral way as i know how much he dislikes questions. what followed was our worst fight.. he told me that "yes" he had a lover and "yes" he had been texting his girlfriend. of course i thought he was - again - just acting and really trying to hurt me. i did not believe his words. should i? basically, that night, he told me i was extremely jealous and destroying everything + i told him i no longer could stand his mean behaviour, his lovelessness and verbal agressiveness. finally, i had to promise him to no longer bother him whenever he is on his iphone or computer. and not check his phone anymore. it was the only solution yesterday.. but now.. i just feel empty.
i honestly think it always takes two to have a bad situation. i wanted to promise to change my jealousy and not react anymore. i try hard to be more distant and easy. should i change myself and accept simply everything? i try hard to be calm and easy... but at the same time think i have to hide myself. hide everything i am. i feel so sad. so empty. as i am still not completely convinced that he's such a saint. it's just so hurting to see him scroll through his phone all the time, checking his facebook account, checking phone messages every thinkable moment. just acting so restless and always absent. wouldn't anyone ask questions?