Jenna Anderson
New member
My best friend, a girl I have truly known since we were in kindergarten, came out of the closet to her family tonight (the ideal Mormon family, if you know what that's like). She started texting me shortly after she spoke with them and came over to my apartment to crash on the couch for a while. We were talking, and it's not that I wasn't cool with her coming out about being Lesbian; honestly, I had already known for years, but also knew she was afraid to say anything. Of course, the topic finally landed on what made her decide to come out to them finally. She pulled up this blog she reads pretty much religiously, and the writer had put: I don't believe you fall in love. I believe love finds you. I don't believe in love at first sight, but that the first moment, you access the knowledge that it's that person. I don't believe in a broken heart. I believe that it is only bruised for a while. And I don't believe we'll never love again. I believe that when we do, it will be ten times better. She told me, "It made me realize that I already love someone, that I've had the knowledge for a long time, but I've just been afraid to act on it." "Who?" I blurted out before I could stop myself, and then there was an intense silence afterward, until she reached for my hand. "Well, isn't it obvious? I'm closer to her than anyone else on earth. We can talk about everything, nothing, and anything in between. When I needed a shoulder to cry on, she offered it freely. When I needed someone to rage to, she was the listening ear." She paused, staring at my hand for a while before meeting my eyes. "And when I needed a place to stay, she offered without asking anything in return. It's you, Jenna. I know you're confused, but I'll wait. I've already been waiting for years, and a little longer won't kill me." After that she curled up on the couch and fell asleep, while I've stayed up all night wondering what is going on.
She and I had made a promise a few years ago that if we both ever came out of the closet, we'd be together. I'm still not sure how I feel about her; I know I love her, but whether it's romantic, just friends, or something in between is what I'm failing to realize.
When she said she loved me, my stomach plummeted, back-flipped, soared into my throat, and pretty much every other description you can think of. But my heart, it just started feeling...warm and relieved, like it was an answer to a question that I hadn't known I'd been asking. Now, though, I've probably over-thought everything and I am too exhausted to care if it is a pointless question or not. I need help. And just as a forewarning, if any of you are going to try to tell me that I'm going to hell, might as well ignore this question: I don't react kindly to people insulting my friends.
She and I had made a promise a few years ago that if we both ever came out of the closet, we'd be together. I'm still not sure how I feel about her; I know I love her, but whether it's romantic, just friends, or something in between is what I'm failing to realize.
When she said she loved me, my stomach plummeted, back-flipped, soared into my throat, and pretty much every other description you can think of. But my heart, it just started feeling...warm and relieved, like it was an answer to a question that I hadn't known I'd been asking. Now, though, I've probably over-thought everything and I am too exhausted to care if it is a pointless question or not. I need help. And just as a forewarning, if any of you are going to try to tell me that I'm going to hell, might as well ignore this question: I don't react kindly to people insulting my friends.