How do I discuss this with my 4year old son?

C

Crispy_Frog

New member
You said that he is not actually asking about his father, then there is nothing to explain right now.

There is no reason to hurry and expain something that he might not really understand now anyway.

As he gets older and he initiates questions you can answer them with honesty. 'Your father doesn't live with us because he has been sick. He wishes he could see you, and he might someday, but not right now." Make sure the child understands it is nothing that he caused, or can do anything about.

It is a tough situation, but it will be easier if you wait for his exact questions that you can answer with understanding and honesty.

Good Luck!
 
His father and I split due to untreated mental health/drug addiction issues which caused him to be dangerous for my son and I both. Because I wanted them to have a relationship, in the past I would allow supervised visits when his conditions were under control. After many attempts and disappointments, I elected not to volunteer visitation. The last conversation his father and I had ended with me telling him that he would have to go through legal channels and prove that he was willing to be committed to and responsible for his child. My son does not even remember him; it has been more than 2 years since their last "visit" and his father has not contacted us in the last 20 months. My son's questions are not about his father in particular, more that he is aware that other children have fathers. I don't think he is ready for the full truth, but I don't want to lie to him either. Any suggestions about how to handle this tough situation?
 
I think Crispy Frog gave you excellent advice, I just wanted to throw in that if you haven't already, you should make sure he has a healthy, consistent, stable man in his life--a grandfather, uncle, close friend that'll be around long term, etc... A close friend of mine has a 14 year old who hasn't seen his father since he was one due to mental health and addiction issues. Along with age appropriate honesty regarding his questions, a stable, loving male figure in his life has helped their relationship a great deal. Unfortunately, his father never got better, but at just 14, he understands his mother did the best things for him.

Good luck!
 
tell him the truth, but in an age appropriate way. Tell him he *does* have a father, but that his father is not around him. You could tell him that his daddy has made some choices that make him not act like a very good daddy. When his daddy realizes this, he may come and ask to see him. If he asks what the bad choices are, tell him that daddy chooses to drink too many grown-up drinks that make him silly, sleepy and forgetful...or take medicine he does not need, that makes him mean.
 
Back
Top