How do I apologize to my friend about my drunken antics?

[Dr.Dude]

It started yesterday. I was at my friend's place and we decided to get really drunk off of a 40 of vodka. Needless to say, we finished the bottle in a good two hours. When it went to full effect, he and I were practically falling over. His girlfriend came over, and I convinced her to have a three some, she agreed and so did my friend. Anyways, I then realized that I was too drunk to have a threesome, and didn't actually want to. I stumbled into the washroom, apparently perched on the sink, took a dump, fell asleep in the bathtub for an hour. When I came too, I was still in the tub, I stumbled to the living room, began to watch porn, and lit the barbeque outside. I wanted to make chicken fingers and fries, and accidentally forgot about it, until I heard sirens outside. The chicken fingers lit, and smoke was going everywhere, but in our building, someone had burnt their pizza at the same time and the fire trucks came. The chicken finger fire burnt out but I was still embarrassed about that. How do I apologize?