When she was 14 she gave us a really bad time. I could never understand what happened, but she joined bad crowds, got to lynig, became mean to her lis sister, she was jealous of her. She disppointed us with her actions, was disrespectful, treated us like enemies. She was always trying to harm her sister's life, get her in trouble. Actually, she turned into a nightmare, though we always loved her. We finally put an end to that, we were really severe, she got a punishment we knew she'd never forget. Grounded for 6 months from everything she liked, she spent a whole summer doing extra chores, had to do her sister chores to make up for her actions. She got in despair, apologized, begged for forgiveness and trust, but we said no and this devastated her. Her sister felt sorry for her, said she had changed and was trully sorry, but we stuck to her punishment, I agree we were really severe and she had a really hard time.
It worked, she changed completely, but got extremely depressed, emotionally devastated. With the help of a psychologist we could see she felt terribly bad for having acted that way, felt she would never hae our love and trust again. And also she was very resentful of us, because she apologized sincerely and still we punishe her like that and didn't give her our trust though she begged for it. It took a while for her to get our trust back and that was devastating. She could never get over that, though we tried. She never got happy again, tilll the day she left home our presence always caused ger pain, could never forget.
Today she's 23, about to get married. A great young woman, graduated, great professional, everybody likes her, she makes us proud. Her sister forgave her completely many years ago, they are friends, but to her we still mean pain, bad memories. She wrote us off her life, said she can't bear with the pain a reçationship with us would mean to her. She doesnt hate us, agrees she messed up, just thinks we were to harsh and didn't love her when she was a troubled girl. We tried to fix our relationship, this is devastating, but I'm 99% sure there's no solution and this is for life. She really can't stay with us without reliving everything and getting into a hard pain.
How can we live with this? What can we do?
It worked, she changed completely, but got extremely depressed, emotionally devastated. With the help of a psychologist we could see she felt terribly bad for having acted that way, felt she would never hae our love and trust again. And also she was very resentful of us, because she apologized sincerely and still we punishe her like that and didn't give her our trust though she begged for it. It took a while for her to get our trust back and that was devastating. She could never get over that, though we tried. She never got happy again, tilll the day she left home our presence always caused ger pain, could never forget.
Today she's 23, about to get married. A great young woman, graduated, great professional, everybody likes her, she makes us proud. Her sister forgave her completely many years ago, they are friends, but to her we still mean pain, bad memories. She wrote us off her life, said she can't bear with the pain a reçationship with us would mean to her. She doesnt hate us, agrees she messed up, just thinks we were to harsh and didn't love her when she was a troubled girl. We tried to fix our relationship, this is devastating, but I'm 99% sure there's no solution and this is for life. She really can't stay with us without reliving everything and getting into a hard pain.
How can we live with this? What can we do?