How can I improve my poem?

  • Thread starter Thread starter yup. its me.
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yup. its me.

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As I walk into school, I act brave
Hide the tears I’m choking back
The only thing I know that I don’t lack,
I’m breaking down inside

As I walk into school, I act brave
Try not to stare at him too much,
Try not to get lost in his eyes
Tell myself it’s not meant to be

As I walk into school, I act brave
Tell myself he doesn’t exist
Hide my secret crush,
Keeping secrets from all my friends

I’m trying for you,
So can you please try for me too?
I love you no matter what they say,
And no boy will ever change that.


Be honest, but not too harsh. How can I change the last stanza?
 
well .. i like it actually .. but the last stanza can be changed to make it better (but honestly, i like it)

suggestion only:

I'm trying for you,
so please try for me too?
I'm not forcing you
but i love you no matter what they say
and no one can ever change that...even you.
 
you could change 'And no boy will ever change that.' to 'Let's go together and face the day.' or something else that rhymes with say.
 
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