William Mortenson
New member
I am 14, an almost straight A student, and a practicing Buddhist and to be a buddhist one must be able to control his/her thoughts and lately i have been unable to do, that to say the least... Ever since around a year ago i have been slowly loosing my ability to regulate my thoughts, and when i say that i don't mean sexually orientated thoughts i mean like... I wanna just go get a knife and start slitting throats randomly in class or dump gasoline on the floor in front of the door and then light a match... Of course i cannot and will not be doing that anytime soon. To be a good Buddhist a you must be a good person, to be a good person you must do good things, doing good things almost always involves interacting with people,,, Whenever i try to do that all this random anger seems to appear from no where... The randomly appearing anger only comes in the form of my thoughts though, but in the last year these thoughts have been getting louder and more annoying almost tempting even...
Back to the point, i have already tried beating inanimate objects and that works for a little while, but never long enough... These abominable thoughts have even begun to plague me during my meditation... I can't focus which makes it damn near impossible to meditate... And at least once a week i have dreams were i just well... kill stuff, stuff being people... These things are really starting to make me mad, does that even make sense? I'm getting mad at myself for thinking horrible thoughts that just pop out of no where?
Like I said before everything i try works but only for a very short period of time... Sometimes nothing bad even happens, im just thinking to myself and then it gets ugly... I remember one distinct thought about a butcher's knife when i was at a christmas party... That is actually why i decided to ask this... It was disgusting to say the least...
I already know how to be a good person it just seems to be getting harder every passing day and that is what i need help with, how can i get rid of this anger, and, in the end, the morose thoughts the anger brings...?
Back to the point, i have already tried beating inanimate objects and that works for a little while, but never long enough... These abominable thoughts have even begun to plague me during my meditation... I can't focus which makes it damn near impossible to meditate... And at least once a week i have dreams were i just well... kill stuff, stuff being people... These things are really starting to make me mad, does that even make sense? I'm getting mad at myself for thinking horrible thoughts that just pop out of no where?
Like I said before everything i try works but only for a very short period of time... Sometimes nothing bad even happens, im just thinking to myself and then it gets ugly... I remember one distinct thought about a butcher's knife when i was at a christmas party... That is actually why i decided to ask this... It was disgusting to say the least...
I already know how to be a good person it just seems to be getting harder every passing day and that is what i need help with, how can i get rid of this anger, and, in the end, the morose thoughts the anger brings...?