how about this one (poem)?

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girlfaerie

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Just thought i'd throw another poem out there before i get some much needed sleep!! Don't be afraid to be critical, i welcome your comments, good or bad. A lot of people i know have lost their jobs lately, here's my take.

Diner

"I lost my job today"
He said matter of factly,
And took a bite of his corned beef on rye.
He said it as though
He were talking about losing a nail
Or getting a bad haircut
Instead of the devestating event that it was.
"I envy you."
I said
And he stared at me with a look of
Idle bewilderment.
"Your optimism is staggering,"
I went on;
"In the face of total crisis,
You live your best life.
It's astounding."
"Not so astounding"
He replied, licking mustard off his lip.
"Life is like an ocean"
He said as way of explanation,
"The tide will turn,
I will be on top again."
We sat in our silent pocket
As dishes clanged
And the diner wheel spoke
In its oil thirsty tongue
Squeaking endlessly
While the fat cook pulled off orders
With grease sweaty fingers.
 
outstanding visual imagery. the one who lost his job has a very keen sense of who he is and how he sees life and that causes the reader to take pause and think about themselves and their outlook.

i love poetry but cannot write it well. You have a rare and unique gift. Pursue it.
 
good job. i liked the imagery. made me feel like i'm in that very diner, except i hate food, so i'd never be in there in the first place.
 
I think if you wrote this into prose, or wrote prose like this, it would be exceptionally well done. The rival sort of F. Scott Fitzgerald in the poetical prose.
 
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