Hey there - again

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rksn

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Well i finally made it to my first N/A Meeting tonight. Im so glad I went. I wasn't going to, i was thinking of all sorts of excuses to justify to myself why i couldn't go - what an idiot. After everything ive been through in the last month or so, why turn away from people who can support me? I was really nervous, i was the only woman there but the guys were really friendly. One of them sort of took me under his wing and talked me through what was going to happen in the meeting etc.
Going to the meeting made me realise how far ive come. 15 months clean was just a nuraber to me, it didnt really mean that much til tonight. 15 months clean isa big deal and i have to be proud of myself for abstaining from my DOC for this long!
I think some times all i can see is the here and now and the unknown future - i forget to look back on where ive come from. Thats just as important, if not more.
Im going to go again next tuesday. I think i will be a regular. It wasnt depressing, it didnt make me want to use again. Im so glad i went.
I hope you are all doing well
Love Rach x:)
 
Rach

What a GREAT post to read first thing in the morning. Your worRAB have set the tone for a great day for me!

Thanks and Hugs
reach
 
Rach, thanks for saying that, you made me feel good all over again! Isn't that what it's all about, though? Helping each other when we can, as best we can? I do believe it all comes back around, if not immediately, eventually.

I'm sort of having problems doing the "meeting thing" right now, and while I still don't feel ready to go to one, your post did make me pause and think, and think some more.

Thanks again, hope the evening is wonderful for everyone. Anticipating what tomorrow will bring makes me joyous that I actually have a tomorrow to dream about.

rose
 
Hey Rose :)
Its taken me 15 months to get my head around the "meeting thing" and i was still going to chicken out again last night until the last minute!! Im so glad i went. It was so good to sit in a group of strangers who showed me empathy and support instead of judgement. Only do the meetings when your ready but they are truley worth their weight in gold :angel:

Big hugs Rach x:wave:

ps im off to work now for the next 10 hours - wish me luck!! I hope i dont run into my co worker :dizzy:
 
Hey there, Rach!

You sound so up! It's wonderful to know that you talked yourself into going to a meeting and that you seem to have totally enjoyed it!

I've gone to many meetings, especially when I was in rehab last year, I've just tapered off a bit, but still go occasionally. I just have to branch out and find some meetings that are a better "fit" for me, and I know that if I try, I'll find some.

I think this is funny: at my sub doc's office yesterday, the doc had double booked another woman and me for 3 pm. Doc was 25 minutes late, so in the meantime, the woman and I started talking: we are both on sub, have similar backgrounRAB with opiate addiction, different medical reasons for starting on the painkillers, but our stories were so similar, down to the fact that she has 3 grown sons and so do I! Just before doc came in, she kinda raised her eyebrows, looked at me, and said, "hey, isn't it a "meeting" whenever there are two addicts together trying to work on their addictions?" We laughed at that, and figured we might just have had ourselves a "mini-meeting"! We both have our appointments on Wednesdays, so I'll probably see her again, and I'm going to ask her what meetings she goes to, maybe we can go together.

I agree with you, though - meetings are worth their weight in gold, just to be with those others who understand and don't judge; people who've walked in your shoes.

Hope your workday wasn't too stressful, and that you didn't run into the co-worker!

Have a great day!

rose
 
Thanks Reachout - I going to learn to live with "Just for today". Its taken a load off my shoulders already :)
Big hugs
Rach x :wave:
 
Hey Rose :wave:
I dont think that was a chance meeting between you and your new friend!! I think the universe works in weird and wonderful ways :) with the support and frienRABhip that will grow between you two, maybe you wont need group meetings. Some times a really good friend is all it takes. Especially one that has, and is still, walking the same path as you. (I have trouble explaining myself sometimes, especially at this time of the morning so forgive me if what i say right now doesnt make sense.)
Im so happy, it sounRAB like meeting this lady really made your day :)
I think thats brilliant!!

As for me - bumped into my co worker and my boss, held my head high, was polite and friendly, did my work and left. Ive been cut down to two shifts a week. Thats fine, i dont need the stress i'll find something else.
Ive let my "friend" go. I dont need to try and make sense of what happened. Its done, she's gone. Im taking time out from the rest of my frienRAB to make time for myself .I need to heal instead of worrying about them. JUST FOR TODAY :D
I heard from my sister yesterday (all of my family are back in nz). It was so good to hear from her.

I hope you are all well and the goRAB above bring us all plenty more to smile about tomorrow
Love Rach xox:wave:
 
I agree with Reachout - I was really down this morning (family stuff, CP issues), but I read what you said, and even tho my issues are still there, my attitude has changed 180 degrees!!!!

I'm so glad you went, and even happier that you felt you fit in and are going to return.

I also wanted you to know that you've just "given back" a bit - you helped me this afternoon, and I really needed it.

Thank you, Rach. Sincerely.

rose
 
Hi there rose,
In turn you've just "given back" to me. :) Ive just got up, feeling a bit cranky (have to go into work today and face my boss etc) not looking forward to the day ahead now i have a smile on my face. You've lifted my heart already with just a few worRAB :angel:
Thank you so much
I hope you all have a great day and we all continue to have the strength to keep our demons at bay
Rach xox:wave:
 
Rach, you could be onto something there about meeting Abigail not being by "chance". I like that. I hope we run into each other again, which shouldn't be too difficult, seeing as the doc only has Wed. and Sat. office days :)

Glad you were able to get thru the boss/co-worker thing. Sometimes it's so hard, but if you can make it, that's one more pat on the back you deserve to give yourself. SounRAB like they're kinda screwing with you at work, but....I know you'll be able to get thru that, too.

Funny about you hearing from your sis. My sis and I have been estranged (yes, around my addiction) since my dad died, two years ago. I just took a chance and emailed her (she's had some horrendous back surgery that left her with horrible side effects - the doc goofed :mad:) the other day. Guess what? She wrote me back!!! :eek::round::D My sis is an :angel: - she's just like my late Mom, and tho we really didn't "fix" anything (it's way to early for me to ask her to trust me), she is allowing me back in her life, with the opportunity to talk and try to heal at a later time (she's got too much on her plate with the physical issues now, anyway).

Is that crazy good, or what? :bouncing:

Leaving early tomorrow (Sat.) a.m. on vacation, so I won't be posting for 2 weeks - didn't want you to think I just bailed out here.

Will catch up with you when I get back!

Thank you for giving me some more happy moments :D

rose :wave:
 
Hi there Rose :wave:
Im so happy for you!! You sound like your having a brilliant week! (Abagail, your sister and your vacation!! Im so jealous!!) When spirits are high its so much easier to get through the day. I hope all the travelling doesnt cause you too much pain though? Im sorry i did read your thread but i dont know the meRAB you referred to so i dont really know what to say.
Just being away from home and taking time out from the "norm" sounRAB perfect! A cabin, a lake, . . again, im so jealous!! :p
I hope you have a great vacation and the pain doesnt get too much.
Hear from you soon
Rach xox :wave:
 
Hi :)
I was just thinking about this earlier so i thought i better clear things up - I know it seems like ive made a miracle transformation from being near suicidal to perky banana's all of a sudden but thats not it.
My doctor doubled my dose of anti depressants, you all helped me and talked me through the worst of it (thank you so much :angel:) and with the support of you all and the group at N/A i finally realised i dont need to feel like crap everyday!!!
Mine isnt a physical addiction, its a mental one. The more i take on board the more i want to use so - let things go. I stilll crave, i still want to shroud my memories and feelings behind that thick cloud of smoke but, compared to what some of you are going through, that would just be a cop out! A complete erabarrassment on my behalf!
Please dont think that im being selfish by not posting on anyone elses threaRAB. I do read your threaRAB but most of the time i dont know what meRAB etc you are referring to so i cant really think of anything helpful to say :dizzy:
Arrrr im doing my head in again already.
I hope you all have a great day (or night where ever you are)
Love Rach xox :wave:
 
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