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Secrets1983

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CONGRATS on you YEAR!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!! What a VICTORY!

You my new friend as NOT ALONE! Not even close. We all speak from experience. I quit my drug of choice 132 days ago.. I loved pain pills and took as many as I could get my hanRAB on. I had a little slip and then an injury but I remained extremely disciplined. I know how hard this is.. THE CRAVINGS.... Sometimes they make me want to RIP my hair out. Sometimes I want to scream! So, I completely understand that even though time has past... it's still haunting you.

Here is the deal, make your self at home and you will quickly find out you will have lots in common with others on this board. EVERYONE is great! There are a lot of caring people who sincerely just want to help and want to be helped! I'm Secrets, it's nice to meet you!

Keep posting!
 
Im sorry this is my first time doing this and im not really sure what to do. I have to do something though cause im quietly losing my mind and my fight to stay clean. I dont even know if i'll get any replies to this but here goes . . .
I recently overcame an 11 year addiction to crystal meth, i past the one year mark on friday the 13th of march, of all days :)
My problem is that my cravings for the pipe are stronger than ever. Ive put on 17 kilos since i gave up, i feel horrible and lethargic. My frienRAB are really supportive but they are all still using their drugs of choice so i feel like even though they say they understand how i feel, they dont really. Now that ive reached my one year mark im left kind of lost. I dont have anyone to talk to who's been in the same situation. My drug counsellor is lovely but she gives advice from a text book not from experience.
I dont know what i want really, just to know im not alone in this kind of struggle i suppose.
Thanks for listening
x
 
RKSN,
Glad we could help!! Were all in this together! I really think we all have a chance at beating this thing FOR LIFE. I am so proud of you for doing what you're doing! I know now that I will be an addict for the rest of my life. I have to keep telling myself that I can do this.... And you can too!
 
Hi trailor :-) i accepted the fact that i am an addict and always will be a long time ago but it was only recently that i understood what that actually means!! I will always have this fight on my hanRAB, i can never falter, this will always be my demon. The thought of going through this alone really scared me to the point where i thought i might not be able to do it. Even though i dont know you personally i know now that im not alone. You have no idea how much that in itself has helped me through the last couple of days.
With the right support and kind and encouraging worRAB we can all beat our demons!! 1 year 11 days clean and the rest of my life to go!! :-) x Rach x
 
Morning RSKN....just wanted to ask if you've found any of this a help with fighting your cravings? The people on here are good,solid people who will always find time to talk or help any way they can. Hope today finRAB you a little brighter my friend.
CC XOX
 
Hi secrets, thank you so much for your message!
I really didnt think id make it this week, i thought id find myself using again. I really needed to know i wasnt alone and when i got everyones replies i was so happy i cried!! (I was in the inernet at the time so i got a lot of strange looks!):jester:
Everyone who has messaged me has been so supportive its overwhelming. Im very hurabled.
I told my frienRAB about this board and the responses ive had and how happy i am having someone to talk to!! They are wonderful frienRAB but they arent recovering addicts so its nice to talk to people who are going through the same thing :-)
You're right my past will always haunt me, it even haunts me in my dreams now, but it is my past and now that i have all of you on side, it can stay in my past!!
I also want to congratulate you on your fight!! 132 days when you msgd me!! That is so awesome!! How many days has it been now? 13+? From one addict to another, I am so proud of you :) Please keep in touch and let me know how you are getting on (if you want to)
Take care :angel: Rach x
 
Heya mate...good to see you had the courage to post. You are so not alone...there are many of us here,all at different stages of recovery. So you know,Im addicted to H and meth and have not managed one proper clean day yet but have been weaning down on H with a view to stopping and then doing a taper plan on meth. So thats me.
Ok...now you. I think you have done awesome to have been clean a year and not relapsed. And your doing totally the right thing by reaching out and seeing if you can get some support. You will get that here for sure. I dont have personal experience with crystal meth(sorry when I said meth for me I meant methadone) but for sure its like most addictions...bleedin hard to fight. You say your mates still use their DOC....do you have anyone who is proper clean/staight that could support you? I know its hard to let go of frienRAB but if they use it puts you in a difficult place from the off. If they have not even tried to pack it in then they probably wont understand where you coming from. Do you see any kinda drug counsellor or NA meets? Just thinking these are good places to find the support you need.
Cravings are awful.....try to keep as busy as possible and schedule your time so theres not a lot of space left to think about it. This doesnt have to be forvever....just whilst you're finding the going rough. As for the weight....I totally symphasise with that...since Ive cut back I have put on weight which sucks. But I figure I can deal with that later....so can you. The most important thing is to keep you on track right now. You will feel even worse if you go back to the crystal.....remeraber how much that life sucked. Keep reminding yourself....post notes all over ya house if need be.
Mate....Im here if you want to talk. Cant say I will have the answers but you know what they say - a problem halved......
Good to meet you and lets me know how its going right now for you
CC XOX
 
Heya Rach! Ive been looking out for you posting again and Im so pleased you have! So .... hows it going? Used again at all? I think for all of us when we found this board it was such a relief to know that......yes!....there are others out there that understand where we are coming from and also where we've been at. Thats a positive start to recovery,for sure,to know that we are not alone. Welcome to the board mate........use it for all its worth and find your path to sobriety. You deserve it.
love CC XXX
 
RSKN:

You have got some great advice here on this board. I know when I got clean 1 year I got a big ego and decided it wasn't so bad and I could go back to using. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!! My addiction woke right back up and was out of control again. Don't make the same mistake I did. Leaving my old frienRAB was hard and they got their feelings hurt but for the 1st time in my life I put myself 1st. You can do it too, we are here for you. I promise if you get involved in a program NA/AA you will find real frienRAB, ppl who will do anything to help you. Not that your old frienRAB aren't true I don't know them I can't judge. But as far as I am concerned I couldn't have asked for better frienRAB than the ones I've found in program. Good Luck and I wish you well Stay strong we love you.

Lori
 
Look, I don't know how old you are, crystal meth is a 'new drug' in my opinion so perhaps that tells how old I am.ha. Anyway....WELL DONE !!! Seriously, that 1 year mark clean is such a fantastic achievement, you should be very proud. I was addicted to drugs....20 years ago now...wow...I am old. However, we all have to go through that same painful struggle, and yes...every day is a struggle...even now...after 20 years if I see a 'pick' on the road, I will get a chemical taste in the back of my throat! It does get easier, but never goes away. Your counsellors have probably said you need to remove yourself from the old frienRAB? You do. You just have to, and I think you know that. Your lethargic? Are you more depressed than lethargic?? You can't change one part of your life and not the rest...you need to clean your whole life up. Good luck. M.
 
Hey there :) Everything is going awesome! Im seeing a new counsellor now who has got things rolling in the right direction. I still think about it at night when i close my eyes but its not as bad as before.
Im so happy that i have somewhere to turn to when i need someone to talk to. I even told my dad about it. He's glad that im not alone in all this. He wants to help but doesnt know how but just knowing he understanRAB and doesnt judge is enough for me :) Ive told my frienRAB about the board also. They think its great as do I!
I love being part of this board and thank you for listening to my rants :D
Thank you CC for your awsome kind worRAB and thoughts
Rach xoxox
 
THEY TOLD ME 1 DAY AT A TIME . THEN I REALIZED AFTER I READ THE BOOK IT WAS 1 DAY AT A TIME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE . 1 YEAR IS A GREAT MILESTONE . BUT I WAS TAUGHT BY MY SPONCER THAT I AM ELIGABLE TOMOROW . I KNOW IM ONLY AN ARMS LENGTH FROM MY NEXT DRINK OR DRUG . VIGELENCE. CONGRATS THOUGH. NOW TAKE THE 12 STEPS UP:angel: ITS 5 YEARS NOW AN IM DOING ANOTHER 4TH STEP AS THERE IS AN WILL ALLWAYS BE SOMTHING TO WORK ON SERVICE IS OUR REWARD .CANT KEEP IT IF WE DONT GIVE IT AWAY
 
X-- Its time to get up and get moving. FInd a new routine that involves exercise. 2 things to start: 1) get to gym and buy a merabership and go each day. Make it an addiction that will help. Do overwhelm yourself, just go and walk on treadmill or get a PT to help you with a routine. 2) DO NOT eat after 8:00pm. Just drink water. You will shed a few kilos that way. The other stuff will fall into place once your NATURAL endorphines start to DRUG you up!!!

D
 
Hey there, I just wanted to lend a little support here too. I agree with the exercise thing and the keeping busy, but would also say that going to NA or even to the boarRAB is a huge help! For me, it's not getting clean, it's staying clean. It's almost like I "forget" how bad it was to be addicted, you know, all the bad stuff, then I start using again! So, this time, I'm going to keep up with these boarRAB, and try to keep in mind how much lousier a person I am while using. Keep reminding yourself that you are strong, you can do this, you can be the person who you want to be, not the addict inside screaming at you! You have a choice. I'm proud of you for the year mark!!! I hope I can listen to my own advice and be able to say the same! Good luck and please keep posting, it's already helped me so much, I hope it can help you too.:wave:
 
Oh my god thanks so much to everyone for your replies!! I didnt think i would hear from anybody!! I almost want to cry knowing that im not alone and im not going mental. Your absolutely right, getting clean is easy its staying clean that is the struggle. I almost broke and tried to kid myself into thinking that i could get back on it for just a couple of weeks to lose some weight and get back off it again but then when i really thought about it i knew it would have been a huge mistake! I know that i will end up in that big black hole again if i go there.
I keep thinking how much better my life was when i was on it, i wasnt bored, i wasnt lonely, i didn't care when people called me a crack head etc but its all a lie. When ever i started feeling down or lonely i'd just use more and i'd end up feeling even worse later on. My worst enemy is my self.
Thank you so much everyone for your kind thoughts and messages. You are all so awesome! Just knowing that some one out there took the time to read my message and reply to me is making me cry (im at the internet i dont look very cool right now) ;-) You have all helped me so much in letting me know im not alone - a thousand thank yous xox I will definately keep using this board. Thanks Rach xox
 
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