Help with my poem, for English 12?

S

stonerbabe91

New member
Okay I've been up all night doing homework and I really don't have the brain power to edit my poem, I'd probably just screw it up more lol. I think it's okay but it probably needs tweeking, if anyone has any suggestions on how I can make it better that would be great!

DEVIL - By A.L. (Me)

I scream! A crushing nightmare. . . .
Sweat trails down my trembling back
A face, twisted in hateful blood lust
Voice dripping with rage, ready to attack
Battered and bloody, I wonder why I can't escape
This soul-sucking demon; this Devil in the form of man!

So heavenly—so alluring—it felt like I had been saved
I became addicted to what it gave me
And mistakenly addicted to the monster itself, what a fool I was!
If only it stopped at destroying me—that my loved ones didn't suffer still.
It sucked the life out of everyone to fuel its darkness.

It's actions were justified, blood only breeds more blood—Disgrace!
“A tyrant will always find a pretext for his tyranny”
And there is no greater tyrant than the encompassment of evil.
It—who mutilated my body, my home, my life—stripped me of my dignity.
Darkness was everything, the light lost somewhere among the blood
Isolated and chained by terror, I prayed for death's sweet embrace.

Abrupt, the light returns, I see the Lord!
I withstand the darkness, there is hope anew
I trick the Devil, with haste I escape to the arms of loved ones
In a sinister rage it comes to extinguish my light, but justice is true
My life is my own again, the Devil cannot reach me
Oh, beautiful day! The years of my nightmare are over!



(Any simalarites to other poems is purely coincidental, everything I right comes from personal experience, so no haters please!)
 
You poem is very good. I just struggle to interpret it. It also feels that the ending is very sudden. If this is what your going for, great. If not you should think about adding a paragraph between the last and second last one. Some of your phrases seems a bit long. So just try to adapt your sentence structure. You can always include some of the phrases after the dash in a new sentence.

If a poem feels right. It is. This is your work. I merely offer suggestions. You are under no obligation to use my advice. Your poem sounds great as a whole.
 
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