hey
im a year 12 student
my english writing skills are pretty crap and i want to make sure this essay isnt..
so what im asking is for you to read my essay (its only half done) give me feedback and rate it
thanks
Ding-Dong. The school bell rings. A stampede of students come rushing through the corridor of the school hall in the direction of an army of equipped teachers. The teachers stand; statuesque and prepared for battle. As they are about to collide head-on with the teachers, the students come to a halt. They look both ways to find some sort of an escape hole; somewhere they can sneak in with out being seen. Girls fiddle with their skirts and ears, removing any earrings and trying to make their skirts appear longer; boys quickly brush their gel loaded hair with their hands. The teachers wait there with nasty grins painted across their faces, standing like drill sergeants in front of new recruits. After a few moments of tension and desperation the teachers finally make a move: they shove past every student until they reach the hulky student with his hands in his pockets, the one who is trying to avoid their gaze. A teacher opens her mouth, and a pungent smell wafts up the boy’s nose. She squalls. "Phil? Would you please empty your pockets for me?" The unfortunate boy looks around with the hope that somebody, anybody will help him. But after realising that there is no turning back he empties the pockets warily. The teacher sticks her palm flat out in front of the boy’s face, and on it he puts some coins, a rubber band, a couple of marbles and a pocket knife. Lifting the knife the teacher once again, "PHIL! What is this? A pocket knife! You know that these are not allowed to be brought to school. I’m afraid I have no other choice but to confiscate this and give a phone call to your parents."
Human beings need to belong. It is a universal necessity that everyone, per se, finds the need to be affiliated with some sort of a group or organization. Why? Because like Orson Welles once said ‘We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone’ belonging is the state of being accepted and comfortable in a place or group however, if one fails to follow their rules or expectations they will be isolated.
Rules are not always formally stated or written in contract form. These rules, called implicit expectations, are instilled in us by conditioning and are considered norms. Respecting your parents, being a reliable friend or saying a simple ‘hello’ to your neighbour all fall into the category of an implicit expectations.
im a year 12 student
my english writing skills are pretty crap and i want to make sure this essay isnt..
so what im asking is for you to read my essay (its only half done) give me feedback and rate it
thanks
Ding-Dong. The school bell rings. A stampede of students come rushing through the corridor of the school hall in the direction of an army of equipped teachers. The teachers stand; statuesque and prepared for battle. As they are about to collide head-on with the teachers, the students come to a halt. They look both ways to find some sort of an escape hole; somewhere they can sneak in with out being seen. Girls fiddle with their skirts and ears, removing any earrings and trying to make their skirts appear longer; boys quickly brush their gel loaded hair with their hands. The teachers wait there with nasty grins painted across their faces, standing like drill sergeants in front of new recruits. After a few moments of tension and desperation the teachers finally make a move: they shove past every student until they reach the hulky student with his hands in his pockets, the one who is trying to avoid their gaze. A teacher opens her mouth, and a pungent smell wafts up the boy’s nose. She squalls. "Phil? Would you please empty your pockets for me?" The unfortunate boy looks around with the hope that somebody, anybody will help him. But after realising that there is no turning back he empties the pockets warily. The teacher sticks her palm flat out in front of the boy’s face, and on it he puts some coins, a rubber band, a couple of marbles and a pocket knife. Lifting the knife the teacher once again, "PHIL! What is this? A pocket knife! You know that these are not allowed to be brought to school. I’m afraid I have no other choice but to confiscate this and give a phone call to your parents."
Human beings need to belong. It is a universal necessity that everyone, per se, finds the need to be affiliated with some sort of a group or organization. Why? Because like Orson Welles once said ‘We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone’ belonging is the state of being accepted and comfortable in a place or group however, if one fails to follow their rules or expectations they will be isolated.
Rules are not always formally stated or written in contract form. These rules, called implicit expectations, are instilled in us by conditioning and are considered norms. Respecting your parents, being a reliable friend or saying a simple ‘hello’ to your neighbour all fall into the category of an implicit expectations.