HELP! My parents and I are arguing over my daughter's vacation plans.?

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Harried Mother

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My 14-year-old daughter is going to a wedding with her dad (my ex-husband) and his family. After the wedding, they are going on a family vacation to the coast. This has been planned for several months now. (It also should be noted that her dad and grandparents all live in another state, while my parents live 20 minutes away. And she is also spending her summer with me this year, rather than with her dad, because of a great summer program she is involved in.)

Today, my mother tells me that she wants to take my daughter on a trip for a few days. Problem is, she will be with her other grandparents and her dad at the same time. Well, long story, short, my mother had a fit, started saying hurtful things such as "whatever THEY want, THEY get" and saying mean-spirited things about my ex.

No matter how much I tried to be diplomatic, my mother won't listen to me, threatens to move away (or "walk into the ocean") and distance herself away from me and everyone else.

I tried to talk to my dad, who is usually the rational one in the family, but he agreed with my mother and said that the ex-in-laws always get to spend time with her, more "quality" time than they do. (It also may be important to know that my ex-in-laws are 10 years younger than my parents and are much more active.)

I am at wit's end. They are laying a guilt trip on me, which I think is completely unfair. If I weren't so angry, I'd break down and cry. I'm even tempted to call the ex-in-laws and ask if they can change their plans.

My daughter doesn't want to be put in the middle of this - and I don't to. When asked what she wants to do, her answer ,"I want to see my dad."

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this? It's tearing me apart inside and it's affecting my daughter emotionally as well.

Any suggestions?
 
The fact is.. Her paternal grandparents live in a totally different state. Her maternal grandparents live twenty minutes away, meaning they have many more opportunities to see your daughter than the paternal grandparents.

If they want to see her more often, why can't they take the time to set it up so that they can spend time with her? You're not in the wrong here. And ultimately, it's your daughter's choice, and they are being selfish by making a situation for her difficult. For adults, they are acting very immature, and it's also not fair for them to badmouth your ex or his family.

I would set up a time either very soon or right after the vacation already planned to be with them.
 
Well, first off your daughter should not have been put in the middle why did anyone tell her about this argument?

Second who cares what someone else thinks is best for your child. You make that call. If you think that this preplanned trip is right then let your parents know that if they truly are just wanting to spend time with her, then they will still want to when she returns. And tell them she is your child, not theirs end of discussion and refuse to talk about it again. Give them the cold shoulder and let them be the one to call you and apologize. They are wrong anyway.
 
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