Help me with this one, please?

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subtrain

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Help me with this one please? I'm not sure I should do anything. I have an older brother who has been a real drug user most of his life. Since his early teen years and he is gray now. (over 40yrs)
At the very least he has lived a wild life. He has been an addict, in almost every scenerio possible, many times over. He has been dependent, in almost every scenerio possible, many times over.
He also is a cancer survivor along with many other suvivorships.
With all his addictions and dependencies he never lost his trustworthyship.
Now, he is living a very calm and simple life. He still drinks beer, probably more than you and me. He still does drugs on an occasion, enough so that I would still classify him as a drug user.
He pays his bills. He takes care of his dogs. His apt. is always clean. He sees his doc regularly. He has no desire for any kind of a relationship above a one night stand. He works when he wants. He no longer drinks and drives.(learned the hard way)
He really seems to have hit a level or a place, whatever, where he is happy.
I, for the first time in my life feel like,......maybe I don't need to do anything.
Maybe he is just fine.
I really do not feel I have a grip on this. OR maybe after all these years of worry, I just can't believe I don't have to worry anymore.
Your comments and opinions, please.
Thanks and blessings to all.
 
Hey subtrain,

I can relate to your post. My younger sister is an addict, drinks every weekend - to the point where she is drunk. She still uses cocaine/pain pills and is about to lose her children (to her ex-husband - a good friend of mine).

I used to be SO worried about her and it was killing me for the longest time. When I talked it over with my sponsor, he told me I had to "let go." He explained that, so early in my recovery, I have to be selfish and only worry about myself. I can't save her. It was hard to let go, but I eventually told her I would be there for her when she wanted to get help, but until then, I couldn't be an immediate part of her life.

First of all, if I saw her every day, and knew she had pain pills, I would be putting myself at risk of relapse. I feel I am strong enough to not crave pills if I were in her company, however my sponsor said I'd be crazy to test that theory.

So, I had to let go. We text every now and then, but until she is clean, I can't be a part of her every day life.

You have to consider the consequences. Do you see your brother on a regular basis? Have you ever been in a situation where he had your drug of choice on him, or any other drug for that matter? I'm just thinking of your safety.

Now, of course, I still worry about her, but I don't have to listen to her every day problems, thus feeling obligated to help. I am too early in my recovery to be worrying about someone else.

I hope and pray I can think/feel the same as you - I want to not have to worry about her anymore. That must feel like a weight has been taken off of you. I can only imagine...

Thanks for your post - it helped me to let that all out :) I feel some guilt regarding her, but my recovery is too important to me to feel shame anymore...

Sincerely,
emsmom
 
Hey Sub,

I agree with Emsmom. I think at this point in your life your main focus neeRAB to be on yourself. We all tend to try to solve or help other people with their problems and then put our own on the back burning. This is something that I too am working on at this very moment in my recovery. It sounRAB as though you have done your fair share of worrying. However, right now neeRAB to be about you and only you. It may sound selfish but it's what neeRAB to be done.

I guess I am no expert on situations like these but I know that your recovery depenRAB on worrying about yourself. It doesn't mean you don't love your brother because obviously that is not true at all.. It just means that you have to love yourself 1st. and there in NOTHING wrong with that.

You hang in there! You are strong and you are worth every hard moment of this journey. We are here for you!
 
some of us are pretty good at covering thing up oh see for alot of years for me , but it all catches up sooner or later. i have a sister who might be an alcoholic but a cant tell her she is thats for her to deside all i can do is be here for her if she has questions otherwise there is nothing i can do , except keep me an my recovery first .:) an pray for her pray for your brother
 
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