oliviazski13
New member
I've been trying to practice poetry, but not lately because I kind of don't know what to write. Then I noticed this old poem that I was never really happy with. What are your suggestions to help me fix it? Should I try to incorporate some kind of rhyming scheme? Or suggestions for poetry in general? Constructive criticism... don't be a meanie. x3
Obsession
My heart is made of clay
Taking the shape of what is thrown at it,
Staring admirably
As he is thrown into my path,
I realize that I want him
Only to myself.
(I realize I am selfish)
My object of affection
Attempts to tear away
In a different direction,
But I will not let him escape my grasp
While he is trying to disconnect
What it is we have.
(Though he does not see it yet)
I tug the rope back
Continuing our tug of war
Saying he cannot leave me yet,
Though somewhere inside me
I know that I did not
Fall into the pit of love.
(But instead dove into it)
Until another wanderer
Loses direction and falls
On the road before me.
I'll soon forget the other
And I am in pursuit yet again
Carelessly in love once more.
(Or is this my obsession?)
Obsession
My heart is made of clay
Taking the shape of what is thrown at it,
Staring admirably
As he is thrown into my path,
I realize that I want him
Only to myself.
(I realize I am selfish)
My object of affection
Attempts to tear away
In a different direction,
But I will not let him escape my grasp
While he is trying to disconnect
What it is we have.
(Though he does not see it yet)
I tug the rope back
Continuing our tug of war
Saying he cannot leave me yet,
Though somewhere inside me
I know that I did not
Fall into the pit of love.
(But instead dove into it)
Until another wanderer
Loses direction and falls
On the road before me.
I'll soon forget the other
And I am in pursuit yet again
Carelessly in love once more.
(Or is this my obsession?)