S
smellofsummer
Guest
Ok, I already know that I have anxiety. I haven't been diagnosed but my anxiety is an every day thing and even on a good day, my anxiety's always in the back of my mind. My anxiety has all to do with me thinking there is something wrong with me, so if I ever feel faint or dizzy or if i get head pains, the list goes on and on but there's not one day where my anxiety doesn't affect me.
What I believe I'm starting to get symptoms for is OCD and Bipolar Disorder. Now I'm not sure of other personality disorders and i just wanted some input from people so i kind of know what im dealing with. I just turned 18 in septeraber so i can finally start doing something about it cause my parents never did.
I'll start with the OCD thing. Now i don't think this is a severe case even if i do have it but ever since i was in middle school, i don't remeraber why i started doing it but I'd pick out the hairs in my eyebrows that stood out from the rest, like the ones that were thicker or sharper. I'd sit down and watch movies and just pick and pick and sometimes I'd end up with gaps in my eyebrows. I still have the problem to this very day but now since I'm older and i pluck my eyebrows, when i don't have tweezers i sit and i find the stray ones that are growing back and i HAVE to get them out. I always have like red spots on my eyebrows and some spots missing but i cant help it, i NEED to get them out. My boyfriend knows about this and if he sees me doing it hell try to pull my hand away and i just cant stop. And lately, ive been picking at my split enRAB. I go through like every single strand picking all the split enRAB off and whenever i get a split end off, or i pull an eyebrow hair out, it is complete satisfaction for me.
Ok so now onto my Bipolar symptoms. I think the best way to go would to just tell about my first experience of what i thought was Bipolar. I had woken up one morning and i just woke up in a horrible mood and throughout the first hour of my day it escalated into worse and worse to the point where i just felt a kind of unexplainable feeling. It was a mix of loneliness, frustration, irritability, unmotivated, and everything that i had prior been looking forward to had seemed pointless. I felt like i needed to break up with my boyfriend for no reason, and i did break up with him (only to later get back together) He would ask me what was wrong and I'd just say "I don't know i just dont feel right" And there was a point where i was sitting, looking out the window and i just thought "I am not happy about one single thing right now, everything in my life is bad, i have nobody and nothing to look forward to" and it scared me really bad because i know everyone feels like that at some point but this was the most horrible feeling I'd ever had. So i got really scared and my mind was racing and i was thinking "well what if all this stress right now makes me go crazy?" and i felt myself start to have a panic attack, and i can ALWAYS control my panic attacks but this one i almost couldn't. About 15 minutes later i sat down on the couch and was just looking outside thinking, and the sun came out and got really bright for a second, and i INSTANTLY felt 100% happy. Not even just ok, or content. I was an unbelievable amount of happy. Now that was the most severe case and after that it never happened again for a few months after that, and now im starting to get these feelings a couple times a week. I have plenty to happy about, and when i get in these mooRAB, theres not one single little thing to be happy about and nothing can make me smile. Nothing puts me in these mooRAB and nothing takes me out of them.
I don't know if maybe all these disorders are linked?
So PLEASE can i have input? I feel in the dark.
What I believe I'm starting to get symptoms for is OCD and Bipolar Disorder. Now I'm not sure of other personality disorders and i just wanted some input from people so i kind of know what im dealing with. I just turned 18 in septeraber so i can finally start doing something about it cause my parents never did.
I'll start with the OCD thing. Now i don't think this is a severe case even if i do have it but ever since i was in middle school, i don't remeraber why i started doing it but I'd pick out the hairs in my eyebrows that stood out from the rest, like the ones that were thicker or sharper. I'd sit down and watch movies and just pick and pick and sometimes I'd end up with gaps in my eyebrows. I still have the problem to this very day but now since I'm older and i pluck my eyebrows, when i don't have tweezers i sit and i find the stray ones that are growing back and i HAVE to get them out. I always have like red spots on my eyebrows and some spots missing but i cant help it, i NEED to get them out. My boyfriend knows about this and if he sees me doing it hell try to pull my hand away and i just cant stop. And lately, ive been picking at my split enRAB. I go through like every single strand picking all the split enRAB off and whenever i get a split end off, or i pull an eyebrow hair out, it is complete satisfaction for me.
Ok so now onto my Bipolar symptoms. I think the best way to go would to just tell about my first experience of what i thought was Bipolar. I had woken up one morning and i just woke up in a horrible mood and throughout the first hour of my day it escalated into worse and worse to the point where i just felt a kind of unexplainable feeling. It was a mix of loneliness, frustration, irritability, unmotivated, and everything that i had prior been looking forward to had seemed pointless. I felt like i needed to break up with my boyfriend for no reason, and i did break up with him (only to later get back together) He would ask me what was wrong and I'd just say "I don't know i just dont feel right" And there was a point where i was sitting, looking out the window and i just thought "I am not happy about one single thing right now, everything in my life is bad, i have nobody and nothing to look forward to" and it scared me really bad because i know everyone feels like that at some point but this was the most horrible feeling I'd ever had. So i got really scared and my mind was racing and i was thinking "well what if all this stress right now makes me go crazy?" and i felt myself start to have a panic attack, and i can ALWAYS control my panic attacks but this one i almost couldn't. About 15 minutes later i sat down on the couch and was just looking outside thinking, and the sun came out and got really bright for a second, and i INSTANTLY felt 100% happy. Not even just ok, or content. I was an unbelievable amount of happy. Now that was the most severe case and after that it never happened again for a few months after that, and now im starting to get these feelings a couple times a week. I have plenty to happy about, and when i get in these mooRAB, theres not one single little thing to be happy about and nothing can make me smile. Nothing puts me in these mooRAB and nothing takes me out of them.
I don't know if maybe all these disorders are linked?
So PLEASE can i have input? I feel in the dark.