Help! Fear!

[tulum]

I DO NOT WANT TO GET OLD, DIE OR GET SICK!

I AM TERRIFIED AND THERE IS NO WAY OUT!

THERE IS NO WAY FOR THIS TO GO AWAY-NOTHING WORKS!

HELPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!

My life is destroyed.

I miss my life sooo much. I cannot shower, I have no motivation, I see no future, I can't do anything.

I was thinking about yoga but will that help even?! What will?! HOW do I change the way I think and feel????

I want my life back!

I feel so ugly and old at 35.

What's going to happen as I get older?!

How can I focus on anything with this overwhelming fear?

Everything is destroyed.

I am on lexapro 20mg and seeing a psychologist 5 days a week. Nothing helps.

I am in a custody battle with possible divorce from my abusive husband with all his manipulations, lies and evilness.

I will never recover.

I am a mess. No hope for a normal life.

I feel like aging, disease, and death are so near.

HELP!!!!!! PLEEEEEEASE!!!!!

 

[spungy]

First off... I'm sorry this is happening to you.
I feel bad for anyone going through this.How long you have been taking your meRAB for?.. if it's been for awhile and still not working..I suggest a different med or an upped dose.
Another thing you can do is start taking a B complex vitamin,Magnesium and Omega 3's.
Also get lots and lots of exercise ...yes even Yoga.
It Can and ...will get better!

 

[tulum]

No, my life is completely over. My husband hit me lacerated my lip, gave me a concussion, and loosened my tooth then I went to my parents out of state to recover because I developed this severe fear of dying/aging and PTSD.

He agreed to wait a few months for me to recuperate but then one month in he served me with custody papers.

Now since Noveraber last year we get the house alternate weeks with our son (so I don't see him for one whole week only every other) and my daughter I see every 3 days for 3 days (she was 6 months when this started-4 months when he hit me).

I tried reconciliation but he betrayed me again because he is an alcoholic and refuses to give up having his precious drink in exchange for having his family back together.

I filed for divorce 2 weeks ago and have been so miserable.

I lost everything. I gave up my entire life and frienRAB when I met him and totally dove into his life, his frienRAB, family, decisions etc.

We had huge social things going on, we travelled, we had a life but I was miserable and abused.

He slowly gained financial control and controlled me, emotionally abused me a lot with some physical as well.

I have nothing now except this PTSD, severe fear of dying and tremendous depression over aging, missing my life, thinking about how I will keep missing my past and live in fear, being alone forever, no frienRAB, no plans, no direction, no hope, no motivation, nothing to do all day.

And the worst is that his life is hardly disrupted. He has tons of family and frienRAB in the area and continues to be social and get on with his life whereas I lost all those frienRAB because they were his so I am all alone with no frienRAB. I am not exactly the most outgoing person so it is very tough for me to make frienRAB.

I just think negatively constantly with tremendous sadness and fear.

A solution is impossible. There is no way out.

I am afraid of being a terrible mother because of this anxiety and depression although I must say that I am a great mother otherwise (at least used to be).

Nothing can get better, only worse because I DO NOT WANT TO GET OLDER AND MY LOOKS TO FADE, I DO NOT WANT TO DIE, I DO NOT WANT ANY HEALTH PROBLEMS, I DO NOT WANT LIFE TO END.

It is not enough for me to live in the moment because those moments are going to come and I cannot ignore them. I am depressed that if things do improve I will have to live a mediocre life.

I wish I could just fool myself into thinking that I will die unaware peacefully in my sleep at age 100 with an awesome life without anxiety, without health problems, without thinking about death, aging gracefully, content with life, living to the fullest.

I miss how carefree I was thinking I had all the time in the world like the REST of or at least the majority of "NORMAL" people think.

I miss myself.

I am doomed.

MeRAB don't work, therapy doesn't work, nothing does and no one can help me.

{REMOVED}

Sorry, I had to let this out.

 

[mentalmum08]

Hi Tulum,
Can't you document his abuse secretly on your computer? That way dates are obvious, and it can't lie! then if he's an alcoholic, doesn't that count for something in a custody battle? It does in the UK! Third, you are open to suggestion or you wouldn't be on this site venting. And believe me I am right there with you sister. I hate hearing scurabag men think they have the upper hand. This happened to my younger sister. Her inlaws helped her husband hide their finances behind the dad's business. They got advice from lawyer frienRAB who were in the same lodge as them? My sister walked out of their marriage with the clothes on her back and the equivalent to $700. That was 20+ years ago. Every dog has their day. He died at 42 from a massive stroke trying to maintain lies and rape in the marriage. His bitterness killed him in the end. don't give up. I know it seems a long time into the future. But your children will grow up. Try and be a positive roll model for them. Maintain your dignity. Pray to God for the strength to sustain you at this time. This will pass. Your children will see their father for what he is. How do you want them to remeraber you? "Oh my mom gave up on life when I was such and such an age" or will they recollect in their adult life that you where there for them in their formative years inspite of their fathers/grandparents attitude. My best mate, her mom continually undermined her young sons relationship with his parents. She's dead now, he's all grown up. The point I'm trying to make is, he remerabers all this, and identifies the damage it did. Hang on in there babe.

sandra xoxo

 

[Anna Bagirova]

Hi Tulum. i hope anyone of us replying to you can help you at least a bit. i was also in condition when i coudln't cope with thoughts abt death and getting older. same like you i saw no way out and felt like anywhere i go on this earth, NO ONE can help me. and it was like though i'm terrified with thoughts about death, what helped me is that i constantly repeated to myself that these feelings are not true and it is depression talking and i would not allow depression to kill me. though your situation is really hard, you should still remeraber you are living your life not only for yourself but for your kiRAB. try to focuse on them more than on your fears. the more light you give them the more will come back to you. I'm sure you should have or you can find really good frienRAB, your familily even small can support you. it is really not that life is miserable itself. it is all about you are just very tired & depressed. then it is opportunity to return everything in your life back to your / not your husband's control. isn't it great?? i wish by the end you meet really wonderful man & be sure all your troubles and bad thoughts will be far away..

 

[tulum]

But my husband was everything to me and everything I had was with my husband.

His frienRAB were my only frienRAB, I went on great trips with him, social life was only with him, etc.

Now I really miss my life and have to be without my kiRAB half the time because of this stupid custody arrangement. I have no frienRAB left, no social life, no routine, nothing to do all day, feeling lousy about how I look, feeling unaccomplished, terrified of health problems. Bored with no life.

I just want to run back to my husband but I know I can't because he is abusive but without him I have no life.

I just cannot fix my life. There is no way out.

I cannot live thinking about and waiting for death every day and being depressed about aging every day. I just cannot go on knowing about the inevitable.

I wish I knew what could help me.

 

[tulum]

No hope left. I cannot live knowing that I am aging and dying.

I cannot go on. I miss my life.