Help condensing Romeo and Juliet speech?

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Any help at all condensing/translating/understanding the following would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks in advance =]

Nurse: "Even or odd, of all days in the year, come Lammas Eve at night shall she be fourteen. Susan and she (God rest all Christian souls!) were of an age. Well, Susan is with God; She was too good for me. But, as I said, On Lammas Eve at night shall she be fourteen; that shall she, marry; I remember it well. 'Tis since the earthquake now eleven years; and she was weaned (I never shall forget it), of all the days of the year, upon that day; for I had then laid wormwood to my dug, sitting in the sun under the dovehouse wall. My lord and you were then at Mantua. Nay, I do bear a brain. But, as I said, when it did taste the wormwood on the nipple of my dug and felt it bitter, pretty fool, to see it tetchy and fall out with the dug! Shake, quoth the dovehouse! 'Twas no need, I trow, to bid me trudge. And since that time it is eleven years, for then she could stand (con't)
high-lone; nay, by th' rood, she could have run and waddled all about; for even the day before, she broke her brow; and then my husband (God be with his soul! 'A was a merry man) took up the child. "Yea," quoth he, "dost thou fall upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit; Wilt thou not, Jule?" and, by my holidam, the pretty wretch left crying and said "Ay." To see now how a jest shall come about! I warrant, and I should live a thousand years, I never should forget it. "Wilt thou not, Jule?" quoth he, and, pretty fool, it stinted and said, "Ay."
 
The nurse is reminiscing about Juliet when she was a toddler. There is a sexual joke made by her late husband. Juliet had fallen down, and he remarked that she'd be lying on her back in due time--meaning losing her virginity.

There's also important foreshadowing in that remark. "You will fall again, Juliet." "Yes" is her reply. She does "fall" pretty hard at the end of the tragedy.
 
http://nfs.sparknotes.com/romeojuliet/page_40.epl

its translates the speech to "regular" english
 
"Whether it's even or odd, of all the days in the year, on the night of Lammas Eve, she'll be fourteen. She and Susan—God rest her and all Christian souls—were born on the same day. Well, Susan died and is with God. She was too good for me. But like I said, on the night of Lammas Eve, she will be fourteen. Yes, she will. Indeed, I remember it well. It's been eleven years since the earthquake. She stopped nursing from my breast on that very day. I'll never forget it. I had put bitter wormwood on my breast as I was sitting in the sun, under the wall of the dovehouse. You and your husband were in Mantua. Boy, do I have some memory! But like I said, when she tasted the bitter wormwood on my nipple, the pretty little babe got irritated and started to quarrel with my breast. Then the dovehouse shook with the earthquake. There was no need to tell me to get out of there. That was eleven years ago. By then she could stand up all by herself. No, I swear, by that time she could run and waddle all around. I remember because she had cut her forehead just the day before. My husband—God rest his soul, he was a happy man—picked up the child. “Oh,” he said, “Did you fall on your face? You'll fall backward when you grow smarter. Won't you, Jule.” And I swear, the poor pretty thing stopped crying and said, “Yes.” Oh, to watch a joke come true! I bet if I live a thousand years, I'll never forget it. “Won't you, Jule,” he said. And the pretty fool stopped crying and said, “Yes.”"
 
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