Having a tough day.....

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Secrets1983

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Hello FrienRAB,

So... Things have been going good for me... I think the biggest part of that is because I have been so busy lately. My mind has been kept busy and only a few times a day do I think of pills. Up until today I have been able to shake it off but today.... I am having more trouble shaking it off than I have in a while.

Right now I sit at my desk and I am feeling so tired. I have not had that "high" feeling now in 26 days.... I can't lie and say I don't miss it because I do miss having that energy and that feeling of euphoria. However, on the flip side of that I am thankful and PROUD to be free of the bottle of pills that never were more than a foot a way from me. I am thankful to not have to constantly stalk my Dr. for a refill... I am SO thankful to not be experiencing withdrawels. So.. all in all.... I just think I needed to get this off my chest since I don't speak to anyone in my real life about it. You guys are all I have in terms of this addiction which i am sure most of you are thinking that I really need to buck up and tell someone.. I know it's a step to recovery but I can't seem to be able to to it especially since I have made it this far. I still want this to be kept my "secret" because I am so ashamed.

The depression I am still struggling with. It seems like lately (last week or so) all the Hubby and I do is bicker and argue and I feel drained. I know a lot of it is my secret struggle but he has been unemployed for 3 months now and it is draining us. Our savings account is now gone and the stress level is at an all time high. Being he has been unemployed he is depressed as well and feels like less of a man since he is not financially contributing at this time.. So.... with that said you can imagine our house is a big ball of fun. Looks like that dream of children will just have to be put off a little longer.

I met a family meraber this weekend (part of my husbanRAB side of the family) that spoke about his struggle a little bit with pills. (he has to take them because he has injuries) anyways.... I opened up a little to him and it felt so good.. I didn't tell him the full truth.. I just couldn't.. I told a little.. I emailed him yesterday so maybe he will be someone in the family I can speak to about this since he is struggling himself.. Maybe not.. We shall see.. baby steps I guess.

Well, I have now written a novel. I hope you all are doing great. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
~Secrets
 
Hey Secrets - Sorry to hear you are having a bad day. That stinks. Hopefully, things will look up and your husband can get a job. I know how that goes. My husband is self-employed and has times when he doesn't work. You are right in thinking that, at least you don't have that bottle attached to you. I am so proud of you.

We both got the flu while down south and I was in bed for five days last week. It sucked and we didn't eat for four of those days. Plus, I think this last taper is affecting me. My eyes are very weird. It's like I have to keep blinking to focus. Strange.

Have you thought about talking to your doctor about the depression? You are going through a lot right now, and it is understandable that you feel down. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I am giving you a BIG hug right now. Sorry I haven't been in touch lately, I just haven't felt right. I am down from 6 pills per day to 2 1/2 per day, and I am feeling it now.

You are a very beautiful, strong young woman. You can do anything you put your mind to, you have proven that. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

xxoo, TaCot
 
Terri,

Hearing from you just brightened my day! :bouncing: Thank you so much for your support!

I am SOOOO sorry that you and your husband got the flu! 5 days of your trip ruined.. What a major bummer.. I am really sorry to hear that. I thought about you often and wondered what you were up to. It sounRAB like the tapering is really starting to affect you and I am REALLY sorry to hear that. Things were going so good for you the last time we spoke.. I know it's no fun at all but it won't last forever. Be proud about how strong you have become and you are doing this. It's truly impressive!

I was taking something for the depression right when I started the tapering... Then I just stoped taking it and figured that it was probably not a smart move. My husband is self employed too and has been out of work for 3 months.. He is a sub contractor and there has just been no work. SO I know eventually it will pick up again but I just think it's time for him to find something else... This is not dependable and how can we bring a child into this world with such instability! So.. I think tonight I will start taking them again.

I am just glad to have seen you on here!!!! It really did brighten my spirits.. I just am having cravings like non other.. Who knew I could crave a pill the same way I crave a cigarette.. Yes, I have that nasty habit too!

Anyway. Thanks for the pep talk and everything. I hope you feel better.. Remeraber.. HOT BATHS!! Lots of juice and healthy food!!! I will pray for your strength!
XOXOXOXOX~
Secrets
 
Thank you as well. You always seem to brighten my day. My husband is a sub-contractor too, for commercial construction. It just started snowing here. We got a foot of the stuff this past Sunday. I love it, as long as I don't have to drive in it!

Take care and have a great evening and a good tomorrow. xxoo, TaCot
 
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