Big Dawgin
New member
I just watched a bunch of videos about the illuminati and music artists and how they control the world through the media. I think I believe it but im too scared to fully accept it because im depressed and probably traumatized from the things that have been happening in my life since I was just 9. Im 15 now.
I look at media as just entertainment. One thing I do when im bored is go watch music videoes either american, kpop, jpop, chinise, or taiwanese music. I would look at the choreography and want to learn it. I also go to blog websites so I can know whats going on with music.
After watching those videos on youtube about all those illuminati people my heart is really scared.
The reason why I think that I have sold myself to the devil is because when im so called bored and have nothing else to do sometimes I just go lay in bed and think about nasty stuff. Ive always done that since I was 13 when I really go depressed from being bullied in school. Could that be from just corruption from things I have seen on tv or is it a demon?
I have been wanting to recover from my depression but I always procrastinate on the internet.
Im not mature like I want to be and I don't think im mature enough to know about all of these things that I have been finding out about. Im not even mentally healthy enough for it.
Another scary thing is that I keep seeing black and white dots and lines moving around me. What is that? What does it mean? Does it mean something bad? Please don't scare me more than im already scared. I also hear voices in my head. What does that mean?
I don't want to think this way but I was just watching the real meaning of Britney Spears new music video and I think thats happened to me a long time ago when I first got depressed and now im just completely evil or something. When I was 14 and I found out about the unpardonable sin this whole (something I felt inside the middle of my body) developed inside of me and it made me hate being alone at school. At school I have no friends and everyone treats me badly.
Is something wrong with me? Can I turn away from all of this evil still? This is something that I believe in and it has really been scaring ever since I came across it in 2009. I wish I never did because it prolonged my depression and I wasn't and im still not in a good condition. Really I think im traumatized by it and I torture myself with it.
I can feel it. The demons are trying to drag my heart down with horoscopes and the nasty thoughts I think. Im most vunarable because I am alone but i don't want to worship the devil AT ALL AND I NEVER EVER WANT TO!!!!
Is it just control?
I think that I just need to make some friends so that I won't have to be alone all the time, focus on my depression recovery, and read about the truth so I can have it in my heart and believe it.
I look at media as just entertainment. One thing I do when im bored is go watch music videoes either american, kpop, jpop, chinise, or taiwanese music. I would look at the choreography and want to learn it. I also go to blog websites so I can know whats going on with music.
After watching those videos on youtube about all those illuminati people my heart is really scared.
The reason why I think that I have sold myself to the devil is because when im so called bored and have nothing else to do sometimes I just go lay in bed and think about nasty stuff. Ive always done that since I was 13 when I really go depressed from being bullied in school. Could that be from just corruption from things I have seen on tv or is it a demon?
I have been wanting to recover from my depression but I always procrastinate on the internet.
Im not mature like I want to be and I don't think im mature enough to know about all of these things that I have been finding out about. Im not even mentally healthy enough for it.
Another scary thing is that I keep seeing black and white dots and lines moving around me. What is that? What does it mean? Does it mean something bad? Please don't scare me more than im already scared. I also hear voices in my head. What does that mean?
I don't want to think this way but I was just watching the real meaning of Britney Spears new music video and I think thats happened to me a long time ago when I first got depressed and now im just completely evil or something. When I was 14 and I found out about the unpardonable sin this whole (something I felt inside the middle of my body) developed inside of me and it made me hate being alone at school. At school I have no friends and everyone treats me badly.
Is something wrong with me? Can I turn away from all of this evil still? This is something that I believe in and it has really been scaring ever since I came across it in 2009. I wish I never did because it prolonged my depression and I wasn't and im still not in a good condition. Really I think im traumatized by it and I torture myself with it.
I can feel it. The demons are trying to drag my heart down with horoscopes and the nasty thoughts I think. Im most vunarable because I am alone but i don't want to worship the devil AT ALL AND I NEVER EVER WANT TO!!!!
Is it just control?
I think that I just need to make some friends so that I won't have to be alone all the time, focus on my depression recovery, and read about the truth so I can have it in my heart and believe it.