Have I missed the signs?

[honeypie03]

Hi... You will have to excuse me because I am very new to all of this (forums I mean). I have been with my partner since October 2007. We were frienRAB and flat mates for months before we realised we were in love with eachother. While still frienRAB, he explained that he had been taking a drug called Suboxone (started in August 08) to help him with his addiction to morphine, opiates and occasionally heroine. I accepted and listened to everything about his past with drugs and his present with drugs. We went to seminars together with DAPYL and other addiction workers, he wrote a short story, he sees a man from DAPYL every Monday night to talk through anything and everything that comes up.... Basically he has always been very open and honest about his addiction until recently. He is and has always been on 16mg of Suboxone a day, which he disolves in his mouth every morning. To my knowledge, and he did tell me, he has lapsed once in the year and a half he has been on it. And when I say once, I mean that he 'chased the dragon'. I have tried my hardest to fully understand the effects of Suboxone and heroin and suboxone and opiates, however being someone that has never tried either I cannot fully understand, but I fully love and accept him for who he is. I suppose the reason I came onto this site is because I ashamedly went through his phone tonight.... the first time ever and I feel disgusted in myself for doing so. I found some text messages from his old dealer and his old friend, who he has recently got back in contact with again. To say the least, I was shocked at what I found. I will confront him about it in the morning, because I am the worst person at keeping secrets, but I can't sleep tonight and he is sound asleep. His dealer meantioned something about it's 55 for 100. I don't know what that relates to though? Any thoughts. And he sent text messages to his DAPYL worker asking if his script could get put up.... I don't know what is going on. He has been bobble headish lately, but I truely believed him when he said he was tired because of trouble at work. I have obviously missed the signs, but I am so confused as our whole relationship is based on trust and honesty, and I can't help but feel betrayed. Can someone please give me some worRAB of comfort?

 

[pingeye2]

Hi I am glad that you came on this site to look for answers....you sound like a loving, caring person that does not judge another persons mistakes, and that is a rare type of person.

one of the dynamics of being in a relationship with an addict is the lying aspect. Unfortuanetly when someone has lived the addicts lifestyle for a long portion of time they become very skilled at lying. Naturally being an addict you will do whatever you can to keep your secret a secret from family and frienRAB, and this includes lying to those that are most important to you. One type of emotion that an addict constantly deals with is shame. They know that they are lying to those that they love and it really starts to take its tole and shame can ovecome you.

I know from experience that it takes a lot of strength and courage to come clean to those in your life, and from your post it seems to me that your significant other has taken those steps with you, he was open about his addiction problems right from the start and you seem to be one of the anchors of his supoort system. I guess what I am saying is that if he has in fact "fallen of the wagon" I would assume that he does not want to tell you because of those feelings of shame that he has. He k nows that you have been there for him all along and have supported him, and in his mind, if he has fallen off the wagon, he does not want to disapoint you and have you feel like he let you down.

This is just my opinion but I would not tell him that you went through his phone, addicts can sometimes become overwhelmed when the life that they thought they had protected becomes exposed to those around them. If you confront him with this fact he may slip away from you. Instead I recomend that you tell him you want to talk, and during this conversation you can reiterate how much you support him and how much you are there for him. You can mention to him that he has seemed a little different to you and you are worried becasue of his past addiction problems, let him know that you are the one person that he can be honest with and no matter what he has done or if he has fallen off the wagon you will not be mad at him and you will not judge him, what you will do is be there for him and do whatever it takes to support him. Hopefully if he has fallen of the wagon after speaking with him like this he will be honest with you and the two of you can come up with a plan of attack.

On the other hand I was wondering if maybe his prescription to suboxone has run out and he is now attempting to get it off of the streets, i know this may be naive on my part to think of this, and it is dangerous even if he is just getting the suboxone because old habits die hard and just being around the people that he used to aquire his drugs from may open up those doors for him that have been previously closed. All I can say is that I recomend you do not let him know that you went through his phone and just sit him down and try to assure him that you are his ally in this fight, not his enemy. Good luck to you. Keep us posted on this situation.