thefirststarthatifind
New member
My parents divorced when I was very young. I'm almost 20 and I haven't talked to my dad pretty much my whole life. I've never had a positive male role model in my life. I have an uncle who has mental issues that I can't even put my finger on. I saw/see him a lot because he is my mother's brother but I stopped talking to him because he was verbally abusive to me a lot when I was younger. My brothers have also been controlling/manipulative/abusive just like my dad was.
I don't trust people at all and I can't let them in to know personal stuff about me. I understand part of this has to do with my mother because she was cold to me growing up and also drank a lot. But I remember when I was a little girl I always felt uncomfortable around men/my friend's dads. As far as relationships go I've never really had an official one. My friends have told me that I don't open up to people even though I don't really understand what this means-- I feel like I'm not completely closed off. As far as girls who grow up without fathers becoming sluts I've seemed to do the exact opposite of that. I never have a boyfriend or have anyone that wants to pursue me or anything as something more than just a hook up. In the past my friends have pointed out to me that I always go for jerks/tools for guys. It's almost like I don't know what to look for in a guy/relationship because I've never witnessed a healthy one.
I have really low self esteem and don't find myself attractive. I'm naturally shy but know how to pretend to be outgoing and confident.
How has this affected me and how can I overcome my relationship problems?
I don't trust people at all and I can't let them in to know personal stuff about me. I understand part of this has to do with my mother because she was cold to me growing up and also drank a lot. But I remember when I was a little girl I always felt uncomfortable around men/my friend's dads. As far as relationships go I've never really had an official one. My friends have told me that I don't open up to people even though I don't really understand what this means-- I feel like I'm not completely closed off. As far as girls who grow up without fathers becoming sluts I've seemed to do the exact opposite of that. I never have a boyfriend or have anyone that wants to pursue me or anything as something more than just a hook up. In the past my friends have pointed out to me that I always go for jerks/tools for guys. It's almost like I don't know what to look for in a guy/relationship because I've never witnessed a healthy one.
I have really low self esteem and don't find myself attractive. I'm naturally shy but know how to pretend to be outgoing and confident.
How has this affected me and how can I overcome my relationship problems?