I
IVESEENITALL
Guest
Hello All Who Read This...
My name is Jason, and I'm originally from Chicago, but relocated 6 years ago to South Florida. I'm 100% addicted to oxycodone and it's been a wild ride. First, to give you a little history about me I never knew who my father is, my mom is a drunk with massive depression, and I have a total of 7 siblings and only know 4 currently. I don't believe that your past should dictate your future. It's not where you came from, but what you are today that counts. Going back I'm a 29 y/o male who graduated from Loyola University/University of Chicago medical school as well. I double majored in nuclear medicine/micro-biology. I got my BA in both. It's funny because I was such a mess at 17 my adoptive family figured I would even graduated high school, and I don't blame them for thinking that. I started having a very minor,minor,minor neck issue in 2006 that I should of never even told this doctor but did, and he prescribed vicoprofin 7.5/mg I was hooked right away. I don't even want to go through all horrible things you do as a addict because ever addict knows how it goes. Oh I forgot I also met a girl in 2006, and started a business as well. That business was a multi-million by 2008 and I got married. I paid 85K cash for my brides dream wedding. I had a custom LEXUS ISF custom made before it even hit the floors 140K no problem. Started building our dream home, and my bride was having a baby in June of 2009. By now I moved up to 10MG percs and 10 30mg oxy a week. I was taking about 20 10mg percs, and 2 30mg of oxy 30 in June of 2009. Welcome to the world Gianna, my gorgeous daughter. Her eyes are that pretty green blue hazel color and she's the most pretties thing I've ever seen. My wife has blue green eyes , and I have hazel so I knew our baby would have pretty eyes. Because I was making these doctors millions of dollars I was able to get what ever I wanted at anytime or day. I had a key to the personal pharmacy of the doctors. By 1/1/10 I was able to up to 1000 oxys a week 15Mgs, 30Mgs, 40,Mgs, 80Mgs, whatever the fuck u wanted I got. Well we know how this is going to end don't we? Don't get me wrong I tried to quit 500 times. Literally. I's make to day 3 and take suboxone and be sober for two weeks, but the addiction would win. The sweat blood and tears I put in to getting sober was ridiculous. You now that part of withdrawal when you haven't shitted in weeks, and then it comes out and it hurts so fucking bad, and then you wipe you ass and there's blood all over the toilet paper? The part when your shaking so bad and your mind wants you to get drugs so badd that you would do anything to score, or the crawling skin, or the feeling that your chest is being crushed, or the anxiety of someone telling you the most important person in the world to you was brutally murdered, and you will never see them again? How about the sweats? I had all that. March 2010 the doctors that once gave me anything I wanted have now stopped writing or dropped me as a business partner. So what did I do? I found a few dealers in which I was spending anywhere from 300 t0 600 a day. I had a 30 to 40 pill habit a day of oxy 30's. I also started stealing scripts from the docs and wrote for oxys myself. Fast forward to Sept 2010 and I was arrested for trying to obtain a controlled substance by fraud. I got charged with 3 felonies and will be attending court this week in which my lawyer, which cost 10K is getting me diversion. Plus the health board found out and suspended my license for a year so I lost my business which was failing anyways because of the drugs. My wife has to work a dead end job, my child stays with my in laws, I'm stuck in the house. I lost it all. I'm currently in withdraw about 40hrs in and you know how that feels. I want to share something with all of you, but I have to say one thing to all the addicts out there. If your going to quit theres one thing that is most important beyond anything else in order to quit. You need to make a commitment to quitting. You need to be 100% ready mentally or it's not going to happen, trust me. Good Luck
Dear Friend,
I've come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally physically spiritually and socially. I want to have you restless so you can never relax. I want you jumpy and nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be depressed and confused so that you can't think clearly or positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody-especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go.
I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your addiction for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid for no reason at all and I want you to wake up during all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me; I'm even in your dreams.
I want to be the first thing you wake up to every morning and the last thing you touch before you black out. I would rather kill you, but I'll be happy enough if I can put you in the hospital, an institution or jail. But you know that I'll still be waiting for you when you come out. I love to watch you slowly going insane. I love to see all the physical damage that I'm causing you. I can't help but sneer and chuckly when you shiver and shake, when you freeze and sweat at the same time, when you wake up with your sheets and blankets soaking wet.
It's amazing how much destruction I can do to your internal organs while at the same time, work on your brain, destroying it bit by bit. I deeply appreciate how much you sacrifice for me.
The countless good jobs you have sacrificed for me. All the fine frienRAB that you deeply cared for-you gave them up for me. And what's more, for the ones you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions-I am more than grateful.
And especially your loved ones, your family, and the most important people in the world to you. You even threw them away for me. I cannot express in worRAB the gratitiude I have for the loayalty you have for me. You sacrificed all these beautiful things in your life just to devote yourself completely to me. But do not despair my friend, for on me you can always depend. For after you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living hell, to keep your mind, body and soul. FOR I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD, MY FRIEND.
Faithfully yours,
Your addiction and drug of choice
My name is Jason, and I'm originally from Chicago, but relocated 6 years ago to South Florida. I'm 100% addicted to oxycodone and it's been a wild ride. First, to give you a little history about me I never knew who my father is, my mom is a drunk with massive depression, and I have a total of 7 siblings and only know 4 currently. I don't believe that your past should dictate your future. It's not where you came from, but what you are today that counts. Going back I'm a 29 y/o male who graduated from Loyola University/University of Chicago medical school as well. I double majored in nuclear medicine/micro-biology. I got my BA in both. It's funny because I was such a mess at 17 my adoptive family figured I would even graduated high school, and I don't blame them for thinking that. I started having a very minor,minor,minor neck issue in 2006 that I should of never even told this doctor but did, and he prescribed vicoprofin 7.5/mg I was hooked right away. I don't even want to go through all horrible things you do as a addict because ever addict knows how it goes. Oh I forgot I also met a girl in 2006, and started a business as well. That business was a multi-million by 2008 and I got married. I paid 85K cash for my brides dream wedding. I had a custom LEXUS ISF custom made before it even hit the floors 140K no problem. Started building our dream home, and my bride was having a baby in June of 2009. By now I moved up to 10MG percs and 10 30mg oxy a week. I was taking about 20 10mg percs, and 2 30mg of oxy 30 in June of 2009. Welcome to the world Gianna, my gorgeous daughter. Her eyes are that pretty green blue hazel color and she's the most pretties thing I've ever seen. My wife has blue green eyes , and I have hazel so I knew our baby would have pretty eyes. Because I was making these doctors millions of dollars I was able to get what ever I wanted at anytime or day. I had a key to the personal pharmacy of the doctors. By 1/1/10 I was able to up to 1000 oxys a week 15Mgs, 30Mgs, 40,Mgs, 80Mgs, whatever the fuck u wanted I got. Well we know how this is going to end don't we? Don't get me wrong I tried to quit 500 times. Literally. I's make to day 3 and take suboxone and be sober for two weeks, but the addiction would win. The sweat blood and tears I put in to getting sober was ridiculous. You now that part of withdrawal when you haven't shitted in weeks, and then it comes out and it hurts so fucking bad, and then you wipe you ass and there's blood all over the toilet paper? The part when your shaking so bad and your mind wants you to get drugs so badd that you would do anything to score, or the crawling skin, or the feeling that your chest is being crushed, or the anxiety of someone telling you the most important person in the world to you was brutally murdered, and you will never see them again? How about the sweats? I had all that. March 2010 the doctors that once gave me anything I wanted have now stopped writing or dropped me as a business partner. So what did I do? I found a few dealers in which I was spending anywhere from 300 t0 600 a day. I had a 30 to 40 pill habit a day of oxy 30's. I also started stealing scripts from the docs and wrote for oxys myself. Fast forward to Sept 2010 and I was arrested for trying to obtain a controlled substance by fraud. I got charged with 3 felonies and will be attending court this week in which my lawyer, which cost 10K is getting me diversion. Plus the health board found out and suspended my license for a year so I lost my business which was failing anyways because of the drugs. My wife has to work a dead end job, my child stays with my in laws, I'm stuck in the house. I lost it all. I'm currently in withdraw about 40hrs in and you know how that feels. I want to share something with all of you, but I have to say one thing to all the addicts out there. If your going to quit theres one thing that is most important beyond anything else in order to quit. You need to make a commitment to quitting. You need to be 100% ready mentally or it's not going to happen, trust me. Good Luck
Dear Friend,
I've come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally physically spiritually and socially. I want to have you restless so you can never relax. I want you jumpy and nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be depressed and confused so that you can't think clearly or positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody-especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go.
I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your addiction for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid for no reason at all and I want you to wake up during all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me; I'm even in your dreams.
I want to be the first thing you wake up to every morning and the last thing you touch before you black out. I would rather kill you, but I'll be happy enough if I can put you in the hospital, an institution or jail. But you know that I'll still be waiting for you when you come out. I love to watch you slowly going insane. I love to see all the physical damage that I'm causing you. I can't help but sneer and chuckly when you shiver and shake, when you freeze and sweat at the same time, when you wake up with your sheets and blankets soaking wet.
It's amazing how much destruction I can do to your internal organs while at the same time, work on your brain, destroying it bit by bit. I deeply appreciate how much you sacrifice for me.
The countless good jobs you have sacrificed for me. All the fine frienRAB that you deeply cared for-you gave them up for me. And what's more, for the ones you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions-I am more than grateful.
And especially your loved ones, your family, and the most important people in the world to you. You even threw them away for me. I cannot express in worRAB the gratitiude I have for the loayalty you have for me. You sacrificed all these beautiful things in your life just to devote yourself completely to me. But do not despair my friend, for on me you can always depend. For after you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living hell, to keep your mind, body and soul. FOR I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD, MY FRIEND.
Faithfully yours,
Your addiction and drug of choice