Grains Of Sand

I

icybitter

New member
These thoughts cross through my mind,
Torment,
A barren wasteland riddled in malcontent,
They travel so readily to the tip of my tongue,
When spoken aloud, you begin to understand,

Even a stone, rough and jagged alike,
Even that stone, maybe be polished into something beautiful,
I believe every one has their stone,
Some may be broken,
Some weathered,
Some have been beaten into grains of sand,
Only to be swept away by the winRAB,
But some,
Very few,
Are perfectly smooth, sparkling in the sunlight,
Passing by you cannot ignore,
Standing out above the rest,

These ones are the reasons we walk the beach of life,
You never take it forgranted,
For if you shall toss this stone away,
Back into fates ocean,
Time erodes until the dust is carried away,
Eventually your left on a lonely beach,
Only sand, a pebbles remains,
Always reminiscent of better days.
 
i'll comment!

this is nice, however it feels quite perfunctory in the way it's delivered. most of the second stanza is really good though, i like the way you've described the stone. great job however, i like it.
 
thanks for the comment its like pulling teeth nowadays,
plus the forum is messed,
It doesnt properly show your view for each thread.
 
I think the theme is strong but it's hard to find a word that will help carry the reader into the next part. Your description is nice like Ras said above but to me it comes off as bland and leaves me wanting more.

Maybe you would reconsider rewriting this creating more "hooks" inside it, round the edges perhaps?
 
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