God I feel horrible....

P

Pattyb

New member
So it's my friend's handicapped (unable to talk, move his legs, almost no control over arm/neck movement, can't move his torso) brother's 17th birthday party. I was invited but I just feel sooooo bad about it. I mean, there are three possibilities:
1) I follow in the footsteps of many and "put on a face" while im there for what can only be 4 hours of fake and soul numbing praise.
2) I can go, and play with my friend while almost totally ignoring the handicapped person's birthday thus leaving myself with a feeling of shame.
3) I can not go and complicate relations with him and his family while feeling bad about not going, and making the Joseph (the handicapped guy's) birthday a terrible one indeed.

Life fucking sucks.....
 
was he born handicapped or is there a background story?

That certainly sucks and if I were you I'd just go and suck it up. Put on a face and pretend to have fun. The kid only gets one day a year..
 
If I were in your position, I'd go.

I have a brother who's handicapped. Not that severely, but he is.

Even if you don't go for the handicapped guy, go for your friend.
 
Your making three choises for him to live with...

3.) He thinks you hate him or something...

2.) You make him feel left out...

1.) You let him have probbly one of the few forms of enjoyment he can have cause of his position.

Your call. I think he would feel better if his "friend" was having a great time, as you would if you had a broken leg on your birthday and you couldn't play. Most of the time, people have a good time if others are having a good time.
 
Fuck it man, go! Look at the bright side of this kid. He wont cut into every conversation with "Well I could do it better." He wont be hitting you on the shoulder all friendly like, but it still hurts. He doesn't have a lot of bad habits. Fuck, sounds like a win win for you if you go. Have fun man, say Hi from WTF to the kid. Maybe someday they'll hook him up to a machine and he'll be a WTF noob, and I wouldn't want us to look bad or anything.
 
I think you should go and sit there with him but also take some time out and give yourself a breather and hang out with your friend as well. That seems the best thing to do in this situation that I seem to notice at least.
 
I don't really understand the problem. If the one guy is your best friend, and he has a brother, don't you see them any other time of the year? Why would a specific occasion be awkward? Although unable to express himself as he might wish, any intelligent person probably sees and understands how others react to what they view as an uncomfortable situation. Sooner or later you're going to want to talk to the brother about it, so that all three of you (including your friend) can just deal.

What did you end up doing for the birthday party?
 
I doubt the kids wants/needs/expects your pity. Just get over it and be yourself. I'm sure he knows that he can make people awkward, and he can for sure deal with it.
 
Hey man, just go and dont treat him any different than anyone else. Just dont say something stupid like "hey man wanna play some ball?" or "Wanna go jam on the drum set with me?"

Just dont give him your pity or treat him like a god or ignore him...treat him like anyone else there.
 
Well, it sounds like it worked out well. I'm glad that you decided to go, even though the situation could have been akward. It's better sometimes to just give things a chance.
 
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