I attempted to write a satirical essay about global, and was wondering if it would be good for my high school English class. Feel free to give good feed back or just totally bash on it. I am trying to improve it so, any response would be great. For those who do not know what a Satire is, according to a dictionary, it is "a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn." So please don't take this essay seriously
I also live on the east coast, therefore the events that I write about, will apply to me.
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The past few decades, the world has been astonished by the amount of CO2 humans are emitting into the atmosphere and say if we do not stop, there will be dire consequences. But what they do not understand is that global warming will be the most benevolent thing human beings will ever grant the earth. Global warming will bring a copious amount of positives, which include saving money, eradicating animals that threaten the human species and saving the world from hunger.
Tree huggers need to stop thinking so much about the animals that will be affected. For example, the penguins, which will die off with global warming. They to me are just black and white bird things that swim around the cold and cannot fly. What purpose do they serve in life anyways? And to anyone who is sad for the dying polar bears because of the melting ice caps, let’s face it; we all know that polar bears are mean and cruel animals. Similar to brown bears in America, polar bears are incredibly aggressive and will gnaw on humans if provoked. By eliminating polar bears, we are exterminating a dangerous animal, which will in turn increase another species, Homo sapiens. With less polar bears around, there will be more humans living because there will be less polar bears killing, which seems reasonable.
With global warming, people will not only be less stressed about being eaten, we will also not have to worry about buying winter clothes again! Since it won’t be cold enough for us to wear those dreadfully enormous coats, with three additional sweaters underneath, we can just relax in shorts/skirts and a t-shirt. There will be no more worrying about losing the left glove of your snow mitts or having your hair freeze when waiting for the bus in the morning because you forgot to put on your hat. In addition, there will be more girls and guys wearing bikinis and shorts at beaches, which is a plus side for anyone.
Speaking of beaches, global warming will bring the coastlines much closer inland. This means that people in the east, who love to surf, will be able to get that nice west coast water. The nice waves and warmer water would provide a better time surfing for people in the east who love the sport. Furthermore, people in areas that are landlocked, will have an easier time getting water, since our friend, global warming, is going to bring it closer inland.
Getting water is very important but without food, our bodies will not be able to function. Global warming is going to solve the world hunger problem. When global warming stops winter, it would allow us to have an extra season for growing crops. We will be able to grow food during December, January, and February! And with all of this extra food, we can send it to third world nations, who need it so dearly.
So there you have it, global warming will bring us great change, and also make a lot of humans safer. There will be less money spent on awful winter clothes, people on the east of the United States will be able to get those Cali waves, and there will be more water access for those that are landlocked. So the next time you leave your house with the lights on, take a long hot shower, drive to your workplace two blocks away, and heck, even fart, just remember that you are doing it for a good cause, you are saving the world from hunger.
