Give me thoughts on my new poem called rolller coaster?

[R.I.P. Hip Hop 1978-2003]

I want to perform this also at my church. Give me your thoughts..

My mind form
Is a roller coaster
That people
Want to ride
To see what’s inside
This mind of mines
Taking you through
The vibes and the thrills
Pain that gives you chills
Hold on!!
As my problems
Cause glitches and bumps
Bent rails and humps
High rise climbs and jumps
Your heart beats faster
As you see
Visions I see
A roller coaster
Is the form of my
Mind taking you through
The pain and the hurt
The gold and the dirt
Life and death
Take your last breath
Now please
Hold your applause
As you gaze
At the end of the ride
With your open jaws
Thank you for being willing
To ride with me
On countless flaws

 

[love2polkadot]

I like the idea but some of the lines seem overly simplistic.

 

[Darbz]

Im thinking.......