Alright... I'll try to sum this up as good as possible.
Been together for 3 years. She's off at her first year at college in another state. We both trust each other, etc. never given any reason whatsoever not to trust one another. She's very social and outgoing and I'm very shy/introverted.
So, she's hanging out with her guy friends or whatever. And she tells me how they hit on her and stuff. One of them, whose fake name will be Obsessed, I think he was drunk or whatever, apparently was saying shit like, "I want to break up your love with your boy friend, I want you to be mine. I could have any girl here but no, I want YOU." And he asked her if he had any chance, and she said "Nope." So the cocky ass hole says, "Oh, so I have no chance... Damn, now I'm REALLY motivated..." or something along those lines.
And I mean... Wtf? I don't NEED to know this punk. I don't NEED to know his personality. He can die for all I care. I simply don't have respect for boys who go after women in relationships. Especially after she tells the guy she's in love with me and he has no chance, it's like, F*** OFF!
The part that makes me mad is I know that coward wouldn't say a damn thing if I was there. I don't care how big he is, whatever, he needs to know his place. He needs to go back to his "hoes" he brags about and stop being so pressed on my girl.
The other night, my girl was telling me her plans. She said, "Yeah, Bob (fake name) wants me to hang out with him. But my other friend wants to hang out to. But I have to study."
Little info on Bob. Just some other guy at the school. She apparently watches movies with him sometimes. Okay. I don't care.
I ask, just out of curiosity, thinking it's "Obsessed guy," because I don't like him (she doesn't know that, though): "Oh, who's your friend?"
"Just a friend of mine." ???
I ask, "...have... I met him?"
And she lies, "Uumm... No? I don't think you have."
Few minutes pass. I know whenever she says "her friend," it's a guy. And the fact that she didn't say his name... I just went ahead and asked, "Uh, isn't it 'Obsessed'?"
And she said, "Yeah."
I laughed, "Why didn't you just say that?"
"Because of our argument last week, you said I had 'no common sense' because apparently I 'always talk about other guys!' So, I decided I'm not going to bring up other guys."
Okay, little break here in the story. I did not say "I hate it when you talk about other guys." I'm not a freak of nature. She can have all the guy friends she wants and she can tell me all about them. What I DIDN'T like was her comment about one of her friends. She practically had an orgasm on the phone, "OH MY GOD, phew, if I was single... I'd go after that." WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT TO THE PERSON THEY'RE IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH???
Anyways, THAT'S what I was referring to. I don't need to hear any more "orgasm" comments. I just don't. Call me insecure. Call me jealous. I really don't think it's asking THAT MUCH that my girlfriend doesn't tell me what friends of hers she would "go after."
Not only that, but she ALWAYS tells me EVERY SINGLE GUY THAT HITS ON HER!! WHY do I need to know?? Am I off base here?? Should a guy WANT to hear that shit?
I mean, guys, let's be real here, and ladies, maybe this will enlighten you: guys--us-- we are NASTY CREATURES-- the things that we want to do to EVERY hot girl that enters our field of vision greatly surpasses the most perverse smut in recorded pornography. That's our nature. Ladies, accept this. Don't fight it. Don't reason with it. It's life.
Now, KNOWING THIS- why the HELL would I want to know what friends of yours like you, or what random guys hit on you today? I kind of assume plenty of guys like and plenty will hit on you, okay, that's life! Do I need to hear the details of some jackass with a sideways hat and a giant clock necklace talking about how he wants you to come to his apartment if you "get lonely"? Do I really need to know any of that??
I calmly explained all of that to her. She failed to see the logic: "Well, whatever, I'm just not going to talk about other guys anymore."
I asked, "Well, if that's the case, why did you mention Bob's name, and not 'Obsessed'?"
She said, "Psh, well, if you have a problem with BOB, I mean, I'm sorry, he's one of my best friends."
I laughed, "I never said I had a problem with Bob... *sigh*...."
A few seconds of silence, and I said, "I think you didn't say 'Obsessed''s name because he likes you."
And she says, "Bob likes me too!"
....................................well, that was a bomb shell. What the f***?
Later in the convo, I said to her: "Honey, to be perfectly honest, I do feel kind of weird about you hanging out with guys that like you."
"I know."
".....?? Really? You do?"
"Yeah! I don't know why, though. I guess it's just the way guys are. These guys are my friends.
"Yeah! I don't know why, though. I guess it's just the way guys are. These guys are my friends. And they know what the deal is, I'm not single. And Bob, he's totally respectful of the fact that I'm in a relationship."
I ask, "Okay, and Obsessed?"
She says, "Well, Obsessed has a different personality! He says what he feels. And most of the time it's when he's drunk, and he just says things like, 'Would your boy friend get mad if I held your hand?' Just stupid stuff like that."
(((I'm thinking to myself, "The whole 'I wanna break up your love with you and your boyfriend' doesn't sound like 'just some stupid stuff' to me...")))
So, that sums it up. I don't understand. Our personalities are SO different. We see things SO differently.
I haven't told her this, but there was a girl who was a co-worker of mine who wanted to have sex with me. She didn't tell me herself, but another co-worker told me she was interested.
I told my co-worker there was no chance of it happening (this was LONG before Obsessed and Bob came into the picture). EVEN THEN, I DISTANCED MYSELF FROM THE GIRL. I did it so I WOULDN'T GIVE HER THE WRONG impression, I didn't want to TEASE her, and heck, I would feel GUILTY for hanging out with a girl who wants to do me!! Are these normal feelings?? Is she attractive? Yes. Would I get involved with her if I was single? Yes.
Time went on, and I eventually became good friends with the girl, and we ARE good friends to this day. I don't hang out with her, really that much, but I don't get out much anyways. But the point I'm trying to make is this-- here was a girl who didn't even directly say to ME that she wanted me, and my conscience had me avoid her so I wouldn't even come CLOSE to doing anything wrong/being involved in any kind of bad situation.
My girl has dudes TELLING HER FACE TO FACE that they want her, and... she... hangs out with them??
It's like... I don't feel respected.
So... I know I look jealous and insecure... I know I'm not going to be able to "change" my girl to see it my way. To be perfectly honest, yeah, I wish she wouldn't give these dudes the time of day. I wish it would be like, "Uh yeah Bob, I gotta go do somethin' else tonight, oh well!" I know someone will say I look controlling. But before you say that, let me just say this: as I showed in my example, I have absolutely NO problem not associating with members of the opposite sex who SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY WANT TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME--- if my girlfriend wanted it, I would AVOID such situations out of RESPECT FOR HER!
Yeah, the situation is way more common for her than it is for me, I know. But that's besides the point.
So... what should I do.
Been together for 3 years. She's off at her first year at college in another state. We both trust each other, etc. never given any reason whatsoever not to trust one another. She's very social and outgoing and I'm very shy/introverted.
So, she's hanging out with her guy friends or whatever. And she tells me how they hit on her and stuff. One of them, whose fake name will be Obsessed, I think he was drunk or whatever, apparently was saying shit like, "I want to break up your love with your boy friend, I want you to be mine. I could have any girl here but no, I want YOU." And he asked her if he had any chance, and she said "Nope." So the cocky ass hole says, "Oh, so I have no chance... Damn, now I'm REALLY motivated..." or something along those lines.
And I mean... Wtf? I don't NEED to know this punk. I don't NEED to know his personality. He can die for all I care. I simply don't have respect for boys who go after women in relationships. Especially after she tells the guy she's in love with me and he has no chance, it's like, F*** OFF!
The part that makes me mad is I know that coward wouldn't say a damn thing if I was there. I don't care how big he is, whatever, he needs to know his place. He needs to go back to his "hoes" he brags about and stop being so pressed on my girl.
The other night, my girl was telling me her plans. She said, "Yeah, Bob (fake name) wants me to hang out with him. But my other friend wants to hang out to. But I have to study."
Little info on Bob. Just some other guy at the school. She apparently watches movies with him sometimes. Okay. I don't care.
I ask, just out of curiosity, thinking it's "Obsessed guy," because I don't like him (she doesn't know that, though): "Oh, who's your friend?"
"Just a friend of mine." ???
I ask, "...have... I met him?"
And she lies, "Uumm... No? I don't think you have."
Few minutes pass. I know whenever she says "her friend," it's a guy. And the fact that she didn't say his name... I just went ahead and asked, "Uh, isn't it 'Obsessed'?"
And she said, "Yeah."
I laughed, "Why didn't you just say that?"
"Because of our argument last week, you said I had 'no common sense' because apparently I 'always talk about other guys!' So, I decided I'm not going to bring up other guys."
Okay, little break here in the story. I did not say "I hate it when you talk about other guys." I'm not a freak of nature. She can have all the guy friends she wants and she can tell me all about them. What I DIDN'T like was her comment about one of her friends. She practically had an orgasm on the phone, "OH MY GOD, phew, if I was single... I'd go after that." WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT TO THE PERSON THEY'RE IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH???
Anyways, THAT'S what I was referring to. I don't need to hear any more "orgasm" comments. I just don't. Call me insecure. Call me jealous. I really don't think it's asking THAT MUCH that my girlfriend doesn't tell me what friends of hers she would "go after."
Not only that, but she ALWAYS tells me EVERY SINGLE GUY THAT HITS ON HER!! WHY do I need to know?? Am I off base here?? Should a guy WANT to hear that shit?
I mean, guys, let's be real here, and ladies, maybe this will enlighten you: guys--us-- we are NASTY CREATURES-- the things that we want to do to EVERY hot girl that enters our field of vision greatly surpasses the most perverse smut in recorded pornography. That's our nature. Ladies, accept this. Don't fight it. Don't reason with it. It's life.
Now, KNOWING THIS- why the HELL would I want to know what friends of yours like you, or what random guys hit on you today? I kind of assume plenty of guys like and plenty will hit on you, okay, that's life! Do I need to hear the details of some jackass with a sideways hat and a giant clock necklace talking about how he wants you to come to his apartment if you "get lonely"? Do I really need to know any of that??
I calmly explained all of that to her. She failed to see the logic: "Well, whatever, I'm just not going to talk about other guys anymore."
I asked, "Well, if that's the case, why did you mention Bob's name, and not 'Obsessed'?"
She said, "Psh, well, if you have a problem with BOB, I mean, I'm sorry, he's one of my best friends."
I laughed, "I never said I had a problem with Bob... *sigh*...."
A few seconds of silence, and I said, "I think you didn't say 'Obsessed''s name because he likes you."
And she says, "Bob likes me too!"
....................................well, that was a bomb shell. What the f***?
Later in the convo, I said to her: "Honey, to be perfectly honest, I do feel kind of weird about you hanging out with guys that like you."
"I know."
".....?? Really? You do?"
"Yeah! I don't know why, though. I guess it's just the way guys are. These guys are my friends.
"Yeah! I don't know why, though. I guess it's just the way guys are. These guys are my friends. And they know what the deal is, I'm not single. And Bob, he's totally respectful of the fact that I'm in a relationship."
I ask, "Okay, and Obsessed?"
She says, "Well, Obsessed has a different personality! He says what he feels. And most of the time it's when he's drunk, and he just says things like, 'Would your boy friend get mad if I held your hand?' Just stupid stuff like that."
(((I'm thinking to myself, "The whole 'I wanna break up your love with you and your boyfriend' doesn't sound like 'just some stupid stuff' to me...")))
So, that sums it up. I don't understand. Our personalities are SO different. We see things SO differently.
I haven't told her this, but there was a girl who was a co-worker of mine who wanted to have sex with me. She didn't tell me herself, but another co-worker told me she was interested.
I told my co-worker there was no chance of it happening (this was LONG before Obsessed and Bob came into the picture). EVEN THEN, I DISTANCED MYSELF FROM THE GIRL. I did it so I WOULDN'T GIVE HER THE WRONG impression, I didn't want to TEASE her, and heck, I would feel GUILTY for hanging out with a girl who wants to do me!! Are these normal feelings?? Is she attractive? Yes. Would I get involved with her if I was single? Yes.
Time went on, and I eventually became good friends with the girl, and we ARE good friends to this day. I don't hang out with her, really that much, but I don't get out much anyways. But the point I'm trying to make is this-- here was a girl who didn't even directly say to ME that she wanted me, and my conscience had me avoid her so I wouldn't even come CLOSE to doing anything wrong/being involved in any kind of bad situation.
My girl has dudes TELLING HER FACE TO FACE that they want her, and... she... hangs out with them??
It's like... I don't feel respected.
So... I know I look jealous and insecure... I know I'm not going to be able to "change" my girl to see it my way. To be perfectly honest, yeah, I wish she wouldn't give these dudes the time of day. I wish it would be like, "Uh yeah Bob, I gotta go do somethin' else tonight, oh well!" I know someone will say I look controlling. But before you say that, let me just say this: as I showed in my example, I have absolutely NO problem not associating with members of the opposite sex who SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY WANT TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME--- if my girlfriend wanted it, I would AVOID such situations out of RESPECT FOR HER!
Yeah, the situation is way more common for her than it is for me, I know. But that's besides the point.
So... what should I do.