Fucking Regrets

[tfutrell_crt]

I don't really understand why but every time I see a picture of this girl who I 'dated' back in middle school I get this reaaally cold feeling(I'm a junior in high school now). Everyone I know still talkes about her, and how she's doing in Florida(where she lives now), and I just get this horrible cold feeling. The reason why is a rather long story, so grab some popcorn and shut your pie-holes if you have something negative to say.
So I dated this girl, lets call her...Jamie. She had a brother named Elliot, who was a good friend of mine...for a while. I met Elliot's sister Jamie after going to his house a few times, and we sort of hit it off in an immature middle-school sort of way.
Eventually, I got shunned by Elliot...apparently I had been an asshole to him. I was blinded, and I couldn't remember what I had done. So I sent him a bunch of insanely profane emails because he prank called my house a few times and was being a dick to me in school(really immature eh? just wait )
Then I remembered back to when I was being a dick...I was really pissy one night because Jamie wasn't home, and I thought she would be. She just left one night, and I dunno why...I guess i was really miffed by the fact that I wouldn't get to spend the night necking with her or something...I don't really remember. But anyway I was, in fact, a complete asshat that night, and thats what Elliot was pissed about.
So a fight was arranged one day, at about...3 or so in front of the neighborhood pool. We both showed up, the fight consisted of mainly my friends watching Elliot run around me in circles and attempt to grapple my head, but fail. I tried to punch him but every time I couldn't bring myself to do it, I would get this huuge feeling of betrayal or something. So the fight ended after Elliot got tired of running in circles and we had knocked the wind out of each other a significant amount of times.
After that, I stopped talking to both Elliot and Jamie. Jamie came to my school from a private school, and was insanely popular with all of my friends. It's not like I was shunned from them, it was just that I couldn't be in their circle often because there was that awkwardness.


And now that that has been explained....can someone explain to me how the fuck I can get over this feeling? Sure it may be insanely immature still, but it won't go away. I talked to her, 5 years after all this shit happened, and said that I was sorry to both Jamie and Elliot that I was such a dick and all that happened. But I still get this feeling...I don't know what it is.

Anyway I'm done spilling my pitiful heart for tonight...my question I guess is can anyone tell me how to just put this behind me? I've been given an acception of apology but I just can't.

 

[♥Amanda♥]

Are you still friends with the people that ''Jamie'' hung out with? If so, talk to them about it, and have them acknowledge that there was that awkwardness, and shunnininity (is that even a word? LOL) that occured when Jamie was there. Then tell them what you feel, and have them tell you what they felt, or feel. I think that THIS will get rid of that feeling. Talking to your friends is often the best way to get rid of some bad feelings. The group will help you get through this.

 

[~Skellington~]

Make it a point to apologize to them both, in person, letter, whatever. If they accept, great. If not, fuck em. It's off your chest and you can move on.

 

[Sugarrush247]

I think I tried that with one of my more close friends, and told him that I still felt absolutely horrible about the whole thing, but I don't think the conversation went anywhere. But I guess the question I'm asking is what the hell is this feeling? It's beyond my description...heres my attempt:

Imagine yourself in a cold igloo with thousands of beety eyes staring at you while your spine turns into icicles and sheets off like rain off of roof tiles. Thats the kinda feeling I get :flamed:

 

[gatorgirl]

Try to bring it up with everyone that was in the group, and tell them not to shrug it off. I really think that this is a group sensation, because all those beety eyes are your friends old eyes, that you thought would be looking at you when Jamie was there. Hope this helps!

 

[Zombie Bob]

Yeah, I'll give that a shot. I did apologize to both of them in person at some sort of party thing when they came back to visit, me and Elliot are fine its just with Jamie that I get all cold. But yeah, I'll try talking to some of those people and see if they can help me out here haha.

Any other ideas, lemme know.