Fuck my childhood, fuck child abuse, it fucking sucks ass

J

Jhgjhg

New member
Hahaha, I had the day off today. 13 hours of sleep! I needed that.

By the way, I would also like to know what part of Descent's post or my post qualifies as "child abuse". I see nothing. Gee...I was abandoned by a large group of people all at the same time...in fucking 9th grade...who the hell wasn't a jackass prone to do that in 9th grade? Hormonal bitchery like that runs rampant through everyone's lives. I still have friends(maybe not the best ones in the world), but in all honesty more often than not I'd rather be with myself because if people are going to come back to my house, I feel like I'm being a bad host all the time by not entertaining them, or if they come with me on one of my road trips, they'll whine and bitch constantly about turning around, or if I let them take control of where we go, I'll end up at some scumbag's house where they're all on acid. Friends are always busy. Friends are high maintenance. Having friends is generally not worth any sort of effort. Sure, sometimes we don't like to feel alone...I would say more often than not, I'm using my friends to make myself feel better than I want to genuinely hang out with them. If I can't fully enjoy a person's company, then there must be something wrong, but who cares. I'll deal with that shit my own way, not just sit there and go "Oh I'm soooo lonely look at me I'm a cowardly pussy bitch who will never get better over anything because I'm a scared little wimp waaaah."

Got a little off track, but the point still stands, I guess.
 
hey well i just rekon its pretty fucken gnarly what youve all been through i no if it was me i would of given up your all strong people and yeah i respect u all for that, good to see that there are some decent people on this site.
though i dont consider myself one its good to see,
 
yes ketamine! you know the needles they use when you have diabetes? well thats what i was refering to when i used the slang term "booting" its not like heroin where you need to inject it into your blood stream. you can boot k into your big toe or your forehead or your bum it really doesnt matter.

why do you need to know the cause? sometimes in life knowing the cause isnt always an option

hide behind your problems? i say that because you do a lot of talking and you have a lot of answers for yourself but you dont actually resolve anything in your head.
 
Lamp, and everyone else who thinks everyone that considers people with any kind of medical or mental condition is strong for getting through life, I want to explain (or try to) why we think that way.

To you, this is life. You aren't strong, or coping or whatever. To us, we whine and bitch about stupid, mundane, materialistic or even sometimes shallow shit. We (those with nothing holding them back but themselves) only know what it's like to really have no one to blame for our own shortcomings, yet we sit back often and simply give up. We complain about the cards we've been dealt. Then someone comes along who was dealt a much more challenging set of cards and they seem to be handling things as well as or often even better than we are. THAT's where that comes from. It's kind of a count your blessings thing. You don't realize how good things are and what you take for granted every day until someone who really has to work so much harder than the average person to do simple daily tasks comes along and reminds us.

Whether or not you are trying to be strong, you're stronger than many "normal" folks out there who only have to look in the mirror to point out what is holding them back or causing their own grief in life.
 
I guess it's ok to post here..

I've thought for years that I'm going insane. I don't know how or why, but there are so many coincidences in my life, big and small.. and the deja vu is killer (2 -3 times a week). I don't know what's wrong really, i'm not medicated, i'm not handicapped in any way. i just think i'm going insane and people say 'well if you can say that you are insane, then you really aren't.' Normally i'd think they were right, but what if i am? how could i have had a dream in my junior year of high school and then had it come true in college involving people i've never met? I saw my (now) friends dave and kevin, whom i met in college, in a dream 3 years earlier. and this happens 2 to 3 times A WEEK.

Do I live in memory or something? Has anyone ever heard of anything like this? I feel like my life passes me by while i dream the present and live in the past. Sometimes it actually scares me.:confused:
 
Chaos, I can understand that is scary. That has actually happened to me a few times too, but certainly not as frequently as you experience it, and it was a little unnerving to me too.

I looked at it this way....

If you are a Christian, I would say that you likely have a prophetic gifting. If you are not a Christian, you might call it a psychic gifting. Either way...that gift, those visions, come from somewhere within you and are not created BY you on any kind of conscious level. You can consider them perhaps as road signs....letting you know that you are on the right path, or sometimes....the wrong one, if the feeling fits with that.

My ex-husband was a minister. He really thought of the "deja vu" experiences much like that. When he would have one, he believed that it was God's way of tellilng him, "Yup...you're going the right way. I just let you know this ahead of time a bit, so that when you GOT here...you'd know that it's all in My hands, and it's going to be okay."

I like that philosophy about deja vu. It rings true inside me. SO...next time you have that experience, rather than being afraid....go with it. Look at it as a confirmation that you are right where you are supposed to be at that certain place and time....for whatever reason.

I don't fear those moments anymore. But I remember when I used to feel that way. Just consider the possibility that something within you is giving you some gentle direction and encouragement, and I don't think you will fear them anymore either.
 
You know, I did used to actually be one of those people that bitched about every little thing in life. There were a bunch of events in the last year that pieced together have mellowed me out significantly...I'm not sure which one was the killer though...probably some stuff I shouldn't be discussing on a public message board...
 
Chaos, if you are able to lead a normal life in spite of this, and you learn to come to terms with it by rationalizing it or explaining it anyway that makes you comfortable, I say do that. I'd hate to say you need to seek professional help, because again, if you are happy with life and can cope with this, it would certainly be better than being put on mind-numbing meds or perhaps institutionalized for even a short time while doctors sit back and "diagnose" you.

Medicine might quit these episodes or dreams or whatnot, but more than likely not at the cost of your own physical or mental capacity. I know someone who was a bit delusionally paranoid about terrorists. She thought they were somehow using her to find out U.S. secrets or something. Well, this really dominated her life. She ended up in the local mental wellness (nice way of saying institution) facility for about 2 weeks and released after being put on anti-psychotic meds and anti depressants. So, of course the delusions stopped, but so did she. She was turned into a zombie who only stared at you and either nodded or spoke very slowly to you. She didn't really converse or seem to care about anything - not even her children. She even began to develop a nervous "tick" where she constantly opened her mouth as if to say something but nothing came out. This is a sign of over medication.

Anyway, with urging from everyone in her family (except her piece of shit hubby who liked having his own lifesize puppet!) she went back and talked to the doctor and finally after about 3 years of different medicines, she ended up only on prozac. She has come to terms and convinced herself that her delusions were not real. Atleast that's what she tells us, I don't believe it but I'm fine with the fact that she is not letting it control her life anymore. She is doing wonderfully now.

I'm not saying you're having delusions, I'm letting you in on what the doctors are more than likely going to think. No one in the scientific community (especially medical) are going to treat you as though this is sane, even if in reality they might believe in psychics. So, keep that in mind.

If you like KC's theory, run with it. Sounds good enough to me. If you come up with your own "explanation" of it that makes it something you can live with and stop questioning your own sanity, use that. Now, if you really feel you need help and this is so out of control you worry about losing all your grasp on reality or might even become harmful to yourself or others, by all means, seek professional help.
 
It honestly never occurred to me that "deja vu" experiences could be "delusions" or anything. A LOT of people experience moments of deja vu, that feeling that you've been where you are before.

It's not like he's thinking that he's working for the CIA or something, or believing that he is being stalked by government assassins. :D

I don't know....Google deja vu and see what other people experience, etc. I generally pull back from ever telling anyone that they don't need psychiatric help, but this just sounds so normal to me, other than the frequency. ON THE OTHER HAND: I am NOT a doctor!

All things being equal, the simplest explanation is probably the correct one. (Akem's Razor)
 
KC, read this again.



Oh, and this is a bit more than deja vu. He says that these are dreams that occur later on in life, more like psychic abilities.

You misunderstood what I was saying. He is asking if we have had things like this and suggesting he might be crazy. I'm just telling him what I think might or could possibly happen. ;)
 
Nice to see you Descent! (Because people like you)
Make like a cat and hang in there! :happysad: keep chugging! All's well that ends well and well, you'll end up well!
 
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