From top of the world to bottom of barrel in 7 days

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darksun

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Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to share my story with other kind people here, since there's hardly anyone whom I can trust would listen *and understand* me in "real life".

Maybe for about 7 or so years I've been having mild anxiety attacks here and there (usually brought upon by slightly excessive drinking on the weekenRAB). Up until about 4 months ago, I've dealt with them by brushing things off, having another beer, pushing myself very hard the gym (been wrestling for years) and simply enjoying life.

So 4 months ago, things got rough (as I probably grew older, and drinking with frienRAB became harder on the body), and work and stress have finally got the best of me.
I've decided to see a doctor and was prescribed xanax, in what I know now to be a ridiculous amounts (i.e. 3.5mg/day) ... luckily I only took them for less than 8 weeks as it became clear to me that this stuff is slowly destroying me.

That was the first time I've experienced a corabination of alcohol and benzo withdrawal. It was pure hell, which lasted only a week or so... but it was a week I would not wish upon my worst enemies.
I went to see another doc, who quickly switched me over to less potent benzo to help with anxiety and WD.

At that point I thought I was at the end of my days..., yet things got better. Suddenly and surprisingly they just got better. I was back to my old happy (I'm naturally a very happy and laid back person) self.
I continued the medication, as prescribed, and lowered my dosage rather quickly, without major WD or any side effects.
I stayed on a low dose 0.5 - 0.75mg/day (as opposed to 3.5mg/day) and enjoyed life to the fullest. Went on trips, went out drinking with frienRAB was full-force at the gym, etc., etc.... The sun never shined brighter.

I guess it was all too good to be true....
For reason unknown to me, I went on a retarded drinking binge (like I was in college)... and in just a week I turned my life upside down.

I discontinued the medication prior and then stopped drinking, because I realized what serious problem I actually have (I knew it before, just thought I was invincible)... and the hell started again... today is day 3 and there's no glimmer of hope in sight.

So here I am an alcoholic and benzo addict trying to just let it out, because nobody else cares, listens or I am way to erabarrassed to tell the truth.

Please forgive the long post...
 
Thanks for the support and encouragement.

I'm thinking of going to see my old doc to possibly get reinstated on benzos for a slow taper. I know that going cold turkey on this stuff can lead to very serious problems. It's been no alcohol for 3.5 days (counting the hours now :)) ... and about 6 days with no benzos.

I definitely feel like I've got hit with a double whammy this time... and even though I realize I'm an alcoholic (who am I kiddding?), I certainly have no desire to be addicted to both or touch alcohol while recovering... at least one thing at a time, right? :)
 
darksun,

WELCOME! You have come to the right place!! This is a great group and we will help you thru your dark times... This board is EVERYTHING to me... Stick around.. make yourself at home and post post post!!!

hope this find you a little better!
 
Whats up,matey? So very glad to meet ya...and very pleased you did decide to let it all out....it can be a relief sometimes just to let someone,somewhere know whats REALLY going on with you. Therre are many here who understand and will encourage you. You have made a courageous step admitting to your issues and atempting to make some sense of it all. I think maybe its a good idea to take it one step at a time with just one problem at a time. No wonder you feel like you've been run over by a bus (and then probably reversed over a few times too!). Listen,we all have to find our own individual ways of getting clean....horses for courses and all that. Post lots ,talk to your dr and find what is going to be successful for you.
You are so welcome here.....me? Im the resident smack user trying to come off that and then wean down on meth. Your not alone...we have all been ashamed of what we've become but we remind ourselves that we are not bad people.....just that we've strayed from the right path a little. Now maybe we need a torch,map and a little encouragement to find the right way back. We will all get there.
Always here if you need
CC
 
Thanks everyone for the kind worRAB of encouragement and support. You know, it's been just about 24 hrs and things are slightly improving. I've been able to eat! (funny how little things like that can make one just a little happier).

I'm going to get reinstated on benzos, because you simply cannot battle two devils at once (well at least I can't :)). Plus it might help with alcohol WD, in the process...

...Then slowly, but surely I'll tackle another monster in benzos.
 
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