This came as a shock to me this morning. I was searching for a folder with our vacation pictures on his computer and came across and old email file reading M4M (male for male). I opened it out of....well, wouldnt you open it too? I opened pandoras box. When I opened it, I basically found a letter sent via email planning to meet up and have sex with another man. I searched for more....and found 3 more emails, one involving a 3some with two other men. All of these exchanges had been made about a month before we started officially dating. I was afraid to ask him about it, but I did.
He honestly explained to me that he had never actually met up with ANYONE from the emails, but he did, however, have oral sex and received oral sex with a gay man at one point in time. This totally shocked me as there is not ONE single thing that has ever led me to believe he is gay or bisexual.
I am not homophobic, but this is my husband. I love him and after a very long and upsetting conversation, I just feel shocked, hurt, confused, and VERY insecure. He's promised me that he's been totally honest about what he's said and he is 100% NOT gay. He was just confused at the time and tried it out.
I still feel very hurt. I have told him that I need space to think about this. I am not sure what to do or how to react. I dont want to lash out, I want to work through this but my biggest fear is that we'll work through this, have kids and he'll end up coming out gay. I want to be as supportive of his past as possible, especially because he has been so honest about such an awkward finding. But how do I forgive and accept this past he's hidden from me for so long? How do I go about working through this bump in our marriage?
Any advice or personal insight would be appreciated. I don't want to share this with my parents or friends. It would truly embarrass my husband and he already feels horrible as it is.
He honestly explained to me that he had never actually met up with ANYONE from the emails, but he did, however, have oral sex and received oral sex with a gay man at one point in time. This totally shocked me as there is not ONE single thing that has ever led me to believe he is gay or bisexual.
I am not homophobic, but this is my husband. I love him and after a very long and upsetting conversation, I just feel shocked, hurt, confused, and VERY insecure. He's promised me that he's been totally honest about what he's said and he is 100% NOT gay. He was just confused at the time and tried it out.
I still feel very hurt. I have told him that I need space to think about this. I am not sure what to do or how to react. I dont want to lash out, I want to work through this but my biggest fear is that we'll work through this, have kids and he'll end up coming out gay. I want to be as supportive of his past as possible, especially because he has been so honest about such an awkward finding. But how do I forgive and accept this past he's hidden from me for so long? How do I go about working through this bump in our marriage?
Any advice or personal insight would be appreciated. I don't want to share this with my parents or friends. It would truly embarrass my husband and he already feels horrible as it is.