For me it all starts with a drink...

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panickyjess

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Wow...it has been MANY years since I have posted on here...I thought I was cured and would never use coke or speed again...it had been almost 4 years that I did not do speed and almost 3 years that I did not do coke...what happened?? Well it all went downhill once my fiance decided to leave me out of the blue...we had been together 3 and a half years and when I met him is when I began to clean up my act...he left in August and I began drinking heavily and using speed and coke (alcohol is my trigger...I would not use if I did not drink)...so August and Septeraber I began missing a lot of work and using drugs and then I stopped again October through mid January...then I began going out drinking again almost every night and once I am drinking, I am looking for the next high...so today is terrible...I went out drinking last night and decided I wanted meth, but then I told the guy I changed my mind and I didn't want it but he kept pressuring me and I finally gave in...I felt soooo good for a while...until it became morning and I realized I had to go to work...I laid in my bed for 3 hours trying to sleep with NO LUCK...got up and drank a 5th of vodka on my way to work so I could try to function...on top of that, I have a VERY important meeting at 330 pm today...this is just a terrible day...I know that I MUST stop drinking if I really do not want to use drugs, but I keep trying to find a way around it...like maybe only if I drink at home or only on the weekenRAB etc...that never works...someone please tell me you have been where I am...any input is greatly appreciated...today SUX...I feel like I am going to go crazy and like die or something!!! Thank you in advance for your support

Jess
 
Hello jess
I think you have taken a big step by comming back to these boarRAB. The drinking is bad enough but it leading to street drugs is very dangerous. I'm sure you already know that. I will spare you long version of what could happen to you when your wasted on something and wake upgod know where and can't remeraber if you had sex or was raped or maybe you won't wake up at all! I know I sound like your mother,byt thats because my step son is also 25 and I was like that with my frienRAB in high school! I was always trying to keep them out of trouble. They would say 'yes mom'
Anyway if you were here before than you know you will get support from a lot of people. I think you know it's time to stop the drinking and drugs before you let them ruine your life. perhaps AA would be good? Some it works for some it doesn't. You will get more posts soon and someone will say that one right thing that clicks for you and you'll be on your way up! Keep posting so I (and us) will know how you are doing. You can do this it just takes some time. Carrara
 
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