Fleet Enema?!?!?!?

F

friendly older kid

New member
Ok, so last week I went to the doctors to complain about my abdominal pain. Sent me for CAT scan, blah blah blah, take motrin, blah blah, will review my results, blah blah, lollipop for good behavior, blah blah.
So yesterday, I get a call from Dr. Becker, who tells me I have severe swelling in the something-or-other tubes and I, being the asshole I am at 7:30 a.m. say, "give it to me straight; whats wrong?" And she says I have "an extreme blockage of fecal matter in my colon and intestines".
I pause, then say, "Are you telling me I'm full of shit??"
She goes on about how it can cause major health problems, and unless I make a HUGE bowel movement within the next few days, she's sending me for a fleet enema. For you fucktards that don't know what that is,

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You shove it up your ass and it makes you shit out all your fucking organs.
I've only got one damn day left, and I just can't shit it out!!!

Suggestions??

I need recipes for diarrhea!

I tried burritos, chili, corned beef, apple juice, orange juice, even choco-lax chocolate milk! WTF!
 
Enemas aren't that bad actually. I've administrated them to myself. They are over the counter.

Exlax, correctal, milk of magnesia, Fleet/Glycerin suppositories, drink lots of water, add two spoons of castor oil to some warm milk...

There are so many remedies you can use for making yourself poop it's unreal. The internet is like full of how to poop information.
 
I'm inclined to think that you are full of shit. If you're actively speaking to a doctor about this situation why are you asking the internet for advice?

Not to mention, most of the foods you listed are obviously a joke (and aren't X-rays used for imaging bones not organs).

I'm not claiming that your situation is a lie, just telling you why it reads like one.

Talk to your doctor. Not the internet.

My advice: Coffee and cigarettes. :thumbsup:
 
I agree with this but... apparently going to people on the internet is better than going to your doctor whom you know and trust or should.
 
Right?

"Yeah, I'm already speaking with a medical professional on this matter but I figured I would seek advice from a bunch of anonymous assholes (no pun intended) on an internet forum I just joined." :rolleyes:
 
As an alternative, you could get Magnesium Citrate. It does not go up your ass and it'll make that shit fly like a rocket. You can get it for about a dollar at any store. Wal-mart, Target, the grocery store... wherever.

I have a really fucked up system and I often times have to use a laxative when things get really bad. Magnesium citrate tastes gross (its really salty), but if you chill it and chug it, it's not as bad and you don't have to shove anything up your ass. Or have someone else do it.
 
Enemas aren't that bad. I have IBS and have had to do those things for various tests. Not fun to perform, but you do feel much better afterwards. If you end up clearing yourself out in one try, don't be surprised you don't poop for a couple of days. Either way, you should feel better afterwards. It's just the weirdest feeling when you have to wait for the urge to explode out your ass!

I would strongly advise, however, you perform the enema in the bathroom and bring a puzzlebook like a word search or something funny to read while you wait. It'll help keep you from sitting on the thrown too soon. You wait too soon, you will not get all your poopy out.
 
Enemas really aren't that bad. Stool softners help, and if you're laxative sensitive like me, colace and senekot combined will make you go.
 
Agreed. Bring something to read or hook up a small tv and dvd player. You'll be in there awhile. I also find that I have cramping when I use any kind of laxative, so it might help to run a hot bath to sit in when you aren't on the toilet. I wish I could agree, but I hate enemas. They are incredibly painful for me. But I guess everyone is different. Good luck.
 
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