Feeling Out Of Control, Will I Ever Be Ok Again?

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sweeterthan

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I was diagnosed with GAD when I was 19. I am now 26. My anxiety has been pretty well under control with medication and therapy for several years. 7 months ago I had a traumatic event in my life. My now ex-fiance confessed that he had an ongoing affair for several months with a family friend. He left me to be with her. We have a child together. I had to leave the house (it was in his name). I am living with a friend with my child and we now have joint custody. I lost my schooling and my job because of all this. He took my car away and I had to use the rest of my savings to purchase another one. But I lost my job due to him taking the car I had prior. I had to take a LOA from college because I no longer could concentrate and had such severe anxiety it kept me from attending class. I'd go to work the whole time while fighting off the symptoms of anxiety. I ended up in the hospital for a week, 2 months ago when he took the car and I lost my job because of a nervous breakdown. I am dealing with the worst anxiety I have ever experienced for the last 7 months. I was on Klonpin and am now on Xanex which I regret going on but the Klonopin were no longer working now my body is adjusted to the Xanex. I have to take at least 2 to 4, 1 mg tablets everyday just to function. I can no longer stand feeling like this. I'm in a constant state of worry and I cry uncontrollably at times and I shake. I try to do deep breathing and other exercising I have learned but I feel trapped in my own head with all these horrible thoughts. I have nightmares almost every night about my ex and the woman who now lives in a home we spent the last 5 1/2 years together. He is trying to take custody of my daughter because he says Im unstable. Im trying to get back to work but with the economy and trying to find child care it is hard. Im getting some help with that but my mind is constantly racing and my body is tensed up all the time. I never had anxiety like this before. I spent the summer running away from my problems and started drinking which I know was a bad decision but I felt the need to nurab the pain but it doesn't matter because everyone know drugs or alcohol are a temporaty fix. I just want my life back. I want to find a job and be able to work and feel normal and enjoy the time with daughter but I feel completely out of control. I know I am going through the grieving process and all that but I just want the anxiety to stop, I can no longer handle it.

So thats why I am here. If anyone can relate or has some advise please feel free to post. Thanks in advance for reading my story. I also feel bad for anyone who has to live with such a terrible mental illness. My other diagnoses are uncertain. One doctor said MDD another says Bipolar. I also take Celexa 20 mg and Arabien 10 mg at night to sleep, other wise I would probably stay up all night worrying.
 
Hello Sweeterthan! I just joined this board and I know you wrote this about a month ago, but I was wondering how you are doing? I'm so sorry for the grief you have been dealing with...I can only imagine how terrible you must feel from all of this. I'm sorry!! How has your anxiety been? I too suffer from anxiety/fear/depression and I know how scary and debilitating it can be. I've been dealing with this for a year now. I hope you are doing better.
 
Listen, if you have had a nervous breakdown you need a calm environment and caring people around you. You do not need any further stressors. I am sorry your ex is kicking while you are down. It seems that is the way it goes sometimes in our life. You have to fight. You have to muster up all your strength and come out on top. If you do not do this you will probably let the guilt destroy you. This does not have to be the case! I know you feel like it is just way too much. God said He will never put more on us than we can bear. How much do you choose to bear? Just give it over to God and an answer will be provided. You may need xanax now but I hope you would realize the this drug will only mask the anxiety. Ask for a clear mind so that you can begin your deep breathing exercises again. Then you will be able to think and come up with a plan. I know how impossible it seems when your mind is racing. Take a walk. Take many walks and look around at the beauty before you. I think this will help you if you are willing. I hope to hear from you again. Please write as much as you need to...Sincerely, searchin
 
Hello and thank you both so much for posting!! It means alot to me. As of now I am decreasing my benzos per my doctor. Its hard not to have that pill as a safety net. I have a few Klonopin left and take them when I only need them.. The anxiety still gets bad at times but I try my best to over come it with out reaching for a pill but its hard. Thats all I knew for so many years. Dr upped my dose of Celexa and I've been feeling better. Not suicidal. Life is worth living and I intend to stick around. I just want to concur this anxiety once and for all. Some days are better than others you know.
 
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