feeling guilty

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allieb

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hi everyone, Why do I feel so guilty when I need to stay in bed because of my back.I am having a serious flare up and I know that staying in bed with the heating pad and ice is what I need to do, yet I feel so guility.I have been on disability since 1988 and should be used to this, but everytime I have a real serious problem with my back I want to fight it.I am in pain all the time and manage with my pain meRAB 80mg &20mg of oxycontin x twice a day and norco for breakthrou.I have no children at home so no little ones to take care of.:confused: I just want to cry and run away...thanks for letting me vent........
 
Hi Allie,
I'm so sorry you're having a bad time with your pain. Flare ups are the pits!

I sure understand the feeling guilty thing. I hate that. I feel like my poor husband really got a raw deal in me! I can't dress up in pretty clothes, I can't go out and do anything, I can't do all the stuff around the house that I used to do. I used to be the home repair queen. He hates that stuff. I brought the power tools into the marriage! He had to do a major repair last weekend and was miserable over it. He works so hard at his job, and here I am not working and we're going farther and farther into debt. I feel like a failure and a burden. I hate lying around not doing anything. I feel like I'm a waste.

I don't know how to get out of that. I know I'm not worthless. I know I'm a help and encouragement to my hubby and that I still do a lot of things he can't or hates to do, like doing the bills and transporting the kiRAB. I guess I need to give myself pep talks about what I CAN do, and the value that I DO have. Normally I'm pretty good at that, but I'm having a hard time right now. I guess it's normal to go through this when you have a long-term problem, but I go through ups and downs with the guilty feelings. I'm in a down right now. I've gotta get those pep talks going! Truly, we're in pain and have no reason to feel guilty about that! It's not in our control! If we were lying around because we're lazy, THAT we should feel guilty about!

Sorry, I guess this wasn't very uplifting. But I do understand. You're not alone!

Hang in there, sweetie!
Emily :wave:
 
Oh yes...the guilt that invades all of us!!!:rolleyes: Haven't we taken this trip too many times? And.....don't you wish you could give your pain away for a whole day to those who so smugly give you "THE LOOK"? Like you are faking or exaggerating?

Deb
 
Allie, dear
I hear you! I am on disability too since my first surgery (03/06). I had another surery 6 weeks ago.
After i found out that my first surgery failed and didn't seem I am getting better - i was so frastruated, so upset. I loved my job, I needed to work; not only I have to help my husband, we also support my family of 12 people who leave in Europe and can't make their enRAB meet since no jobs available due to the situation in a country.
I still feel so guilty not to be able to work. I feel guilty when my hobby (who is the best in a world) leaves to work early am. I feel guilty that I can't help my daughter who has 2,5 kid and pregnant with a complicated case right now.
I know your feelings, I wish not feel this way, because it does not help us to heal.
But when you been a hard working person all your life, when you kept everything under control, when your future was kind of predicted - now nothing is in my control, nothing is predicted, social life/relationships are gone - very hard to accept those (and more) changes.

Sorry I am very little help to you since I feel same as you... But I tried.
(((( ))))) and feel better!
 
A whole day? How about just 5 minutes on one of my better days? Their eyes would be rolling back in their heaRAB and they'd be crying. If they only knew...

And Round, yep, there's plenty of room on this ship.

Emily
 
Wait for me...whenever I read all of the posts for this topic, I could relate to everyone's pain and concerns. I am to the point now that I am afraid that this might be my last semester of college because of the chronic pain. I am now anxiously awaiting the phone call from my doctor's office to tell me about my recent Nerve Conduction Study (NCS). I am wondering if the nerve damage is due to my "newfound" neck problems because of DDD. I am doing three loaRAB of laundry a day to try to catch-up and am realizing just how bad my pain is because I am just "wiped-out" before I get finished folding it all! My heart and prayers go out to everyone here...Thank you all for allowing me to vent!
 
Allie, Don't be so hard on yourself. As a fellow back pain sufferer, sometimes we are our own best enemy, especially when we are down on our backs literally. I know sometimes I will sit or lay there and worry about all lifes problems and nothing and I mean nothing will help the pain go away which just compounRAB my problems and then I become very depressed and it takes a bit for me to come out of it. But, this is very common with people who have chronic pain issues in general. Do yourself a favor and dont be so hard on yourself because if ya dont look after yourself no one else is going to. Hang in there............JoJo
 
Looks like we need to charter a cruise ship to hold all of us on this boat. I too feel guilty because I cannot keep up with the house work around here. Sweeping mopping vacuuming and dishes are so painful that they don't get done as much as they should. I feel bad for Doug, I feel ;like he deserves better. What really bothers me is I have been really secluding myself. I just don't have the energy to deal with people. (not you guy's though) Anyway, I know from experience that if you don't rest when you need to, you end up being in worse shape longer than if you do what your supposed to when your supposed to. Rest, relax and let your body heal. Dee
 
ALL ABOARD......here comes PEPPER!!

I want to share with you that I have been struggling with the fact that I need to nap mid-day and all the feelings of guilt that goes with it. I get to the point that I simply can't keep my eyes open, the pain jumps to a level 1000 (J/K), and I become a cranky monster if I don't take this simple nap.

I shared this with my psychologist and he actually said, "Pepper, I give you permission to lay down each day. You have been thru 3 major surgeries since May 2006 - as matter of fact 23 hours of surgical time - your body neeRAB it. You are sick. Don't feel guilty, listen to your body."

I looked at myself durabfounded and I realized that yes I guess I am sick. So I lay down and take that hour nap and it really is helping me get thru the day.

So I will end my post on giving each one of you permission to listen to your body and take that needed nap so that you will feel refreshed for the remainder of the day.
 
Hey guys in this boat big enough for me to join ????
Yep just feeling like you all have mentioned............ i was putting it down to the January blues (I know it is now feb !) and another year of the old back.
So things are really hard to accept....... and I too feel like I am a burden on my husband and one son who is 5. I have had my back problem since he was born. I got really annoyed the other day as I dropped him to school and met a friend straight away for a coffee.... she asked me after about 50 min did i want a second I said no thanks I am so sore and really NEED to move. Along comes an ex-worker of where I worked...... oh isnt this the life you have.... hows the back, not to bad i said.... (just to save having to going into the long long story). Well he said there looks sweet * all wrong with you. I just said please leave unless you would like to wear the rest of this coffee. My friend turned around and said ......... god if he only knew what your life was like and you cant even sit for another cup....... I just said, you'd be wasting your time on him..................... and I would end getting upset. So yes I feel your frustration and some days are so much harder, but life is for the living so we have no choice, only pray for a better day the next day.
 
Whew!! I needed that!! Now I can lay down every day and know that I have permission. What a great psychologist, and very smart. How can a simple comment make you feel so much better about needing to rest during the day? Thanks so much for sharing this Pepper! My body thanks you too ;)

Deb
 
I think we all feel like that. It is a natural reaction for some/most of us to feel this way. It can be very frusterating, angering, and depressing!!!
I have two children so my home is, to put it nicely, usually in a state of disorder and chaos. So if I have to rest for a few days, then so be it! Things can always be done later.
Rest is important to recovery and mental health!
:angel:
 
Pepper, you are so right about the naps! I have to make sure I lie down everyday for an hour or two in the middle of the day. My heating pad is my best friend. I have to regularly change what I'm doing according to my pain level. Sit for a while, stand up and walk around for a while, lie down for a while, then start the cycle over again. I hate it when my husband happens to walk in when I've just laid down. He doesn't know what all I've accomplished already and thinks I'm just laying around watching TV. It's not that I love TV that much, but it's a distraction from the pain and helps to pass the time.

Schragie, I know what you mean about going out someplace without knowing what it's going to be like. The last time we went out to a restaurant, I ended up having to stand up beside the table while we waited for our food. The seats were so bad on me. I will never go to a movie theater again in my life. I simply can't sit in those seats. That makes me sad, not because we went that often, but it was a nice treat every once in a while.

These back issues are a permanent life change. I'm glad y'all are here and understand! People around me are always asking if I'm all better yet. They just don't get it.

And I'm glad the Captain of my ship knows me and has complete control of the rudder! He is what gets me through!

Blessings,
Emily
 
WHew -- thanks for the permission, Pep. I have to remind myself many times each day that it's okay to take breaks, to get into bed early if I need to, to leave work on time, and so on, to take a sick day when I need to. For me, laying down helps some, but usually I need to keep walking when I'm hurting. It's exhausting sometimes and my shoes wear out fast! Sometimes I feel bad that I can't do as much around the house as I used to, or lift children, or take a road trip. But then I remind myself of all the things I do accomplish in a day, even if they're small things, and tell myself my worst days are still better than others' best days and I'm thankful to be alive and kicking.

WHen I have flare-ups and can't make plans to do things because I don't know how I'll feel, I feel guilty for being tentative with frienRAB and family. I can't even go to a restaurant if I know they have wooden chairs unless I bring something to sit on. It's difficult having a disability that people can't necessarily see because you may look fine even when you're not.

Thank heavens for these boarRAB!

Schragie-girl
 
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