onlyget1shot
New member
First off, I’m not the least bit confused about my sexuality. I’m 110% straight, period. But I look around and feel like I’m some kind of freak, afraid of sex. And no, it’s not intimacy or commitment or any of those underlying things I fear, it is sex.
I was 26 before I had any sexual activity at all. This was for lots of reasons but I ended up meeting a pro from online. And at 29 now, I haven’t really had any since (except a few hjs and massage, which obviously are not sex. All of these where girls from the Net as well. After the first encounter, which I used a condom the entire time except for about 30 seconds or receiving oral, I ended up with NGU and was so freaked out I went for test after test for months. What should have been great resulted in one of the most terrifying aftermaths in my entire life. And even after the hj’s and other stuff since, I always freak out.
I want to have sex so badly. I’ve resorted to pornography, frequent (usually once a day) masturbation and other tactics to at least try to tame my cravings in a safe way without having to go find a partner. Which for an average joe like me is a hard enough task in and of itself.
But, with all the statistical information, it seems like it’s almost a certainty that being sexually active will lead to one or more STDs. And I can’t have that – especially if it is one of the incurable ones like HIV, Herpes or HPV. I don’t know that I could live with that. It’s even horrible going for testing.
But, I look around and see so many people having sex with so many different partners, some they don’t even know, and thinking nothing of it. It seems like there is no fear or worry about anything at all. I don’t understand it. Part of me wishes I could be like that.
Basically, I wonder if I could ever have sex with anyone without seeing test results and almost investigating them. Heck, I’d have them take a lie detector test if I could. So many people lie and with the way this world is, it’s hard to know if you can trust anyone anymore.
I was 26 before I had any sexual activity at all. This was for lots of reasons but I ended up meeting a pro from online. And at 29 now, I haven’t really had any since (except a few hjs and massage, which obviously are not sex. All of these where girls from the Net as well. After the first encounter, which I used a condom the entire time except for about 30 seconds or receiving oral, I ended up with NGU and was so freaked out I went for test after test for months. What should have been great resulted in one of the most terrifying aftermaths in my entire life. And even after the hj’s and other stuff since, I always freak out.
I want to have sex so badly. I’ve resorted to pornography, frequent (usually once a day) masturbation and other tactics to at least try to tame my cravings in a safe way without having to go find a partner. Which for an average joe like me is a hard enough task in and of itself.
But, with all the statistical information, it seems like it’s almost a certainty that being sexually active will lead to one or more STDs. And I can’t have that – especially if it is one of the incurable ones like HIV, Herpes or HPV. I don’t know that I could live with that. It’s even horrible going for testing.
But, I look around and see so many people having sex with so many different partners, some they don’t even know, and thinking nothing of it. It seems like there is no fear or worry about anything at all. I don’t understand it. Part of me wishes I could be like that.
Basically, I wonder if I could ever have sex with anyone without seeing test results and almost investigating them. Heck, I’d have them take a lie detector test if I could. So many people lie and with the way this world is, it’s hard to know if you can trust anyone anymore.