Favorite Simpsons Jokes of Recent Years

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ChelseaFCfan

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Time for some positivity. As we all know, The Simpsons isn't the most praised show these days to some viewers. And when I say "these days", I mean the last four or five seasons.

But are there some recent gags you love, that make you literally laugh, not just smirk or chuckle? Here are some of mine, just to get things started:

From "Stop! Or My Dog Will Shoot":
Bart: Our dog would make an awesome police dog. Can he, dad? Please, can he?
Homer: No, and never bring it up again.
(beat)
Bart: Please, can he?
Homer: Oh, why not?

I love the way Bart delivers his second "can he?" line, not to mention Homer's strange and quick change of heart.

From "Kill Gil":
The joke that Sideshow Mel is fresh from his dad's funeral to attend the ice show. A mean-spirited joke? Sure, but it's hilarious, as it shows what a slave driver Krusty can be.

And later in the same episode:
Marge: (after her flashback) And that's why I can't say no to people.
Homer: Marge, I have no idea what you were just thinking about. Why would you think I did?

Good self-aware joke.

From "Bart Has Two Mommies":
Random person in crowd: She must be an unfit mother.

From "The Heartbroke Kid":
Bart: What the family?!

From "Little Orphan Millie":
Marge crumping. I don't know why that makes me laugh. Maybe it's the fact that Marge actually knows what crumping is, or maybe it's her exaggerated movements, which are still stiff. Or maybe it's her grunts while she does it. Or maybe it's that she thinks she's cool when she's really not (similar to "I'm no Harvey Globetrotter, but..." from "Lisa on Ice"). Whatever it is, I laugh at that scene.

From "Crook and Ladder":
Moe: (while watching the news broadcast) You know, I think I'll volunteer, too.
Barney: Why did you say "too"?
Moe: Well, I assume I'm not the first one.

Moe: (to extra volunteers) You're too late. Beat it. Lousy civilians, I wish I could burn them all!
Quimby: Easy there, Fire Chief Moe.

Homer: Moe, can we talk?
Moe: Are you crazy? It's 500 degrees in here! (checks temp) No wait, it's only 495. What's on your mind?

Looking back on it, Moe in general was gold in this episode.

From "Smoke on the Daughter":
Homer: (regarding his secret closet) You know what I do in there?
Bart: Gay out?

We need more Bart lines like that. It's a sassiness that has been lost in the last decade, for the most part. Also, later on:

Homer: (on the phone) WHAT?! Oh my God! Meet me at the place we discussed earlier. (hangs up)
Marge: Who was that?
Homer: Wrong number.

There was perfect timing on that punchline.

From "The Haw-Hawed Couple":
Skinner: I'm sorry. Nelson never woke up.
Bart: WHAT?!
Skinner: He never woke up... because he never passed out. He's right over there.

I love screw you jokes. The show should do more of them.

From "The Wife Aquatic":
Weatherman: This is the worst storm I've ever seen, and I've seen THREE storms!

From "The Wettest Stories Ever Told":
Homer: Stupid Flandish.

Lenny: Whatever you do, don't look down! I mean, "up"! I can't do this anymore, it's too confusing! (lets go and falls to his death)
Carl: It's not THAT confusing.

From "Pranksta Rap":
The freeze frame gags in this episode are gold, especially "Commission: Wiggum sucks" and the photo of Homer falling down Springfield Gorge from "Bart the Daredevil". They make me laugh every time.

And from the same episode...
Bart: I'll tell everyone you wet your pants during Harry Potter!
Milhouse: I WASN'T scared! I was just peeing!

Classic Milhouse.

"Funeral For a Fiend":
Luigi: (regarding Bart) He ordered prank pizzas to 888 Poopy Pants Lane. Poopy Pants Lane ends in the 700 block!

Good twist there.

Also, the echo joke at the church. ("I still can't stand him..."; "churck jerks"; "anus") Not exactly a new type of joke, but done well.

"Mommie Beerest":
Marge: You'd be a real catch if you stopped muttering underneath your breath.
Moe: Good point... (mutters) Ya know it all *****.

What are some of yours?
 
Oh come on, only one reply? Surely there are SOME recent gags you guys like.

"We're on the Road to D'ohwhere":
Skinner: I've got the perfect ringtone for my new cell phone! (pulls out a huge phone) No wires at all! (takes out a cord and plugs the phone into a charger) Except this one.

(during the plane flashback)
Pilot: Please keep your seatbelts on until the no seatbelt sign turns off.
Bart: Nobody tells Bart Simpson what to do! (takes off seat belt)
Pilot: (to Bart) Thanks a lot, now we all have to turn around and fly back to Minneapolis, and I am VERY tired!

Homer: I'll have the bacon & eggs, but could you add bacon hair, bacon eyebrows, bacon beard, bacon moustache, and could he have a bacon body?
Waitress: How about I just shove a whole pig down your throat? (Homer leans forward excitedly) I'm kidding.

Lenny: I can't talk, Homer. I'm too satisfied in EVERY WAY!

Way to rub it in, Lenny.

"Treehouse of Horror XVI":
Sideshow Mel: BURN HER!.... gift certificate!

"Bonfire of the Manatees":
Lenny: (regarding the porno that the mob is making in Homer's house) I'll run the sound board!
Carl: And I'LL perform in the sex scenes!

"Million Dollar Abie:"
OLD MAN BEATS MEAT

One of the funniest newspaper headlines the show ever did, right up there with "LOCAL MAN LOSES PANTS, LIFE".

"Girls Jus Want to Have Sums:"
The dance that Martin does when he wins the award for best flautist cracks me up. I also rather like Skinner tripping over himself in his politically incorrect comments about women. Chalmers's comment about "diarrhea of the mouth", followed by the students laughing ("Yes that's right, I said 'diarrhea'"), is good for a guffaw too.

"A Star is Torn":
Homer: We'll have family fun, FAMILY FUN!!!!

I love the way Homer delivers that line. Yeah, I want to spend time around you with THAT tone of voice. :p

"Home Away From Homer":
The first 1 1/2 acts of this episode are actually pretty funny, and I neglected to give it credit the first time around.

Bart/Milhouse: FLANDERS?!
Flanders: That's odd. I coulda swore somebody just shrieked my name.
Bart: (from next door) You heard nothing!
Flanders: That's better!

Moe: Homer's the one what wised us up to the sexy goings-on.
Flanders: Homer is this true?
Homer: Ned, I had no choice. It was just so funny.

Flanders: The Bible says to cast thy food upon the waters, but all I got was soggy bread.
Homer: Mmm, soggy breeeaaaa....
Flanders: Don't say it, Homer, this is not the time!
Homer: ....eeaaaaaad.

The second and third acts aren't as strong, unfortunately.

"Regarding Margie":

I don't usually like Homer's long-winded moan, but I thought it worked well here and ended with a funny "slumped shoulders" pose.

And later...

Edna: Birthday's over, Seymour. (smokes cigarette)
 
The Bart Wants What it Wants
"Both our viewers must be shocked!"


The Old Man and The Key
The "Old Man Yells at Cloud" newspaper headline gets me everytime.
 
I love this line and both Homer and Ned's faces are hilarious.

From Lost Verizon
Marge: Bart where did you get this phone?
Bart: The same way you got me, by accident on a golf course.

I can't think of any more at the moment but if I do I'll come back. ;)
 
Eh, I'll make things easier and choose quotes I particularly like...

"The Heartbreak Kid"
Homer: Come on son, you can do this! Do the Bartman. DO THE BARTMAN!

"Simple Simpson"
Pieman: I'm all out of pie-related puns!

Moe: Yeah, and Homer's a *******. Uh, no offense Homer. Ya *******.

I know it's crude, but darn it, the way Moe say it was funny.

"I, (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot"
Ned: That is one ******* bike.
Rod: Daddy said a cuss word!
Ned: Lightin' up Roddy.

"Mona Leaves-a"
Homer: Oh no! That's where the food sleeps!

"You Kent Always Say What You Want"
Homer: For years now, Fox has been...programming shows that the whole family can enjoy.Lisa: (gasps) Oh my God! You don't suppose they're gonna start... entertaining America with hits like House, American Idol and American Idol Results Show.

"Treehouse of Horror XIX"
Great Pumpkin: All Pumpkins are racist. The only difference is that I admitted it.
 
Homer: Moe, let it go!

Moe: But it's been in my family for five seconds! (something like that)

For recent seasons, I think I can pick any lines from Wiggum or Moe. The writers never really lost their touch with them.

Unfortunately, I haven't seen the episodes in reruns enough to have them burned into my brain.
 
Another recent fave:
"Marge, I'm going to a hardcore gay club and won't be back until 3 AM!"
"It ain't stealing if you take it fast." Uh... what?! :p

And I agree, Wiggum and co. have always been funny, even in recent seasons. One of my favorite exchanges, from "I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings":

Wiggum: Can't a man have one minute alone with his monkey? One minute?
Lou: (mumbles) The monkey would make a better chief...
Wiggum: What'd you say?
Lou: I said the monkey would make a better chief!
Wiggum: He is a pretty great monkey, isn't he?

Or this one from "Stop! Or My Dog Will Shoot":
Wiggum: (regarding Santa's Little Helper) He's not following his nose this time; he's following his heart.
Lou: Sometimes I forget why you're chief, but I remember now!

Or in "The Girl Who Slept Too Little" when Wiggum takes off all his clothes.
 
The episode where the family visit England is very poor. The show rushes them there as quick as possible and ignores their supposed reason for visiting in favour of some really bad stereotype jokes and British celebrities tripping over one another for forced cameos. Where'd the funny go, man? I loved the random Brit guy hiding in Homer's sugar pile and similar good shots at us from previous seasons.

However, there were two jokes I did like:

1. "It's Bart's Moon Mansion party in outer space...with R2-D2 playin' the bassss!". It's one of those quirky surreal jokes that feels in character for a kid like Bart. For the last 10 years, the writers have really forgotten that's the strength of his character.

2. The newspaper headlines regarding Homer's crime. The whole 'Homer accidentally injures the queen' angle was terrible (the royals are not loved that much here) but the newspapers were one of those jokes you'd best get if you lived here. Specifically, most every paper running a serious report whilst The Sun has Homer posing topless.
 
I remember "Children of a Lesser Clod" had a couple of moments.

Ralph: Mr. Simpson, where are we going?
Homer: Uhhh, to get frosty chocolate milkshakes! We're all going to get frosty chocolate milkshakes!

I love the way Homer reacts in that line, and then there's the whole ending sequence where Homer tries to escape from the police.
 
Not to be anal or dismissive about this, but the Scully era really shouldn't count in this thread. That's... gosh, a decade ago by now. (That makes me feel old)

Any others? I've got a few:

"Million Dollar Abie":
The scene when Abe thinks he's dead and blindly dances across the street while cars swerve to avoid him is great.

"A Star is Torn":
Homer's indecision on whether he has to vomit. "Yes! No. Yes! No. Yesnoyesnoyesnoyesno..." "STOP IT!"

"Little Big Girl:
Priest: So how many brides are you marrying today?
Bart: Just the one.
Priest: Pfft. What are you, gay?

Great Mormon-based joke, and well-delivered by the priest. Gets me to LOL every time.

"He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs":
Mr. Burns: (regarding the flight attendant) And... just so you know, she'll do ANYTHING. Anything but sex. And I DO mean, ANYTHING.

"Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife":
Carl: Ain't no party like a Carl party, 'cuz a Carl party don't stop! (looks at watch) Hey, I've got work tomorrow, I gotta go.

"Kiss Kiss, Bang Bangalore":
"One of those tigers is named Homer Simpson." Hah, a little clarity would've helped. :p

"24 Minutes":
While not laugh out loud funny, I like the screw you joke where you think Martin is gonna hang himself (in the suicide sense) but it turns out he's just hanging himself on a coat hook by his underwear.

"The Girl Who Slept Too Little":
Psychiatrist: (after Homer heads for the door while knocking down bookcases in his path) I'm not chasing you, Mr. Simpson.
Homer: And you won't, unless you can leap through FIRE!

I love how Homer delivers that "fire" line. That's one of the funnier Homer line reads in recent memory.

"The Last of the Red Hat Mamas":
Homer: You're like all Easter bunnies: Can't take a punch to the crotch!
 
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