wow.........well my heart is out to you and your family, and how about talking with them casually at the dinner table about past good experiences? AND i would suggest you wait alittle bit more for things to settle down in your family. anyway, i hope and pray that your family will be a good one.
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Extreme family arguing, please please help.?
- Thread starter tenniskid
- Start date
My family used to be very close and the picture perfectly normal, but then we lost our home and all our belongings in a flood, and we were forced to live in a cramped apartment for 6 months. Over those 6 months we obviously were all very stressed and emotional. During our stay in that apartment we turned from a loving family into a disfunctional group of, for lack of better words, absolute jerks. By looking at us you never would have guessed that we were at any point a caring family. We would treat each other worse than others treat people they hate. We would yell and scream and curse at each other for the smallest things, which is saying alot, my sister and I are 15 year old twins, and we NEVER EVER used to swear. And we all started to say I hate you. I never said that to anyone before the flood. And we all started to say the meanest most hurtful things to each other. At some points we would storm out and not come home for hours. Many times my parents threatened to send us away to foster homes or call the police. It was like this ever single day. Literally. Then finally when our home was done being rebuilt,we moved back in. Things were good for about a week, but then we all started fighting again. And this is why I'm writing all this, tommorrow will be one year since our house was destroyed, and things still aren't the same between us. We still all get angry very easily and over stupid things, we all still yell and swear, my parents still threaten with the police and foster homes, and it still feels like we all hate each other. I don't know if there's really any advice out there that will help us, but if you have ever been through something like this please please respond. Thank you very very much for reading.
Bite Me!!!
New member
I am so sorry to hear all this. It sounds like a form of post traumatic stress disorder. I mean you guys went through pure hell. Your lives and security were torn from you in a matter of hours to days. Your whole lives changed. Your parents lost everything they worked for and lost the secure feeling of being able to protect their children from hurt and hardship. You kids lost your security and friends and all the stuff you guys collect that holds memories. You guys really did go through a very traumatic event Your lives have been upside down for a year and everyone's heart has been broken and scared.
I think you should go hug your mom and dad tell them that you love them. Tell them thank you for keeping you guys safe from the flood and how scared you were and how sad you were. Tell them that you get angry when you remember the stuff you lost and the fear you felt about what would happen to you guys next and how they helped you and took care of you. That will start the talking again. You guys need to talk about this. Talk about the feelings and the hurts. You guys really do love each other. start talking, honey, and things will start to get better.
I think you should go hug your mom and dad tell them that you love them. Tell them thank you for keeping you guys safe from the flood and how scared you were and how sad you were. Tell them that you get angry when you remember the stuff you lost and the fear you felt about what would happen to you guys next and how they helped you and took care of you. That will start the talking again. You guys need to talk about this. Talk about the feelings and the hurts. You guys really do love each other. start talking, honey, and things will start to get better.
Alexandria M
New member
Im very sorry that you went through all this and that you are still going through tough times. You have suffered a tremendous loss and became a victim. In these situations you and your family were all put into a stressful survivor mode. You had alot of anger with what happened and there is alot of blame that is being aimed at the wrong people. Its hard to lose a loved one just as much as it's hard to lose your home and belongings. Things in your home probably had some emotional attachments from each of you, and its hard to imagine they are lost forever. I sympathize with you and I hope that you consider some of the good advice that you are given.
Its all in communication, Elle. I would suggest talking to your sister first. Get to her when you are both in a good mood and just ask her if you can share something with her. Tell her what you miss about your family, what you feel when your parents yell at you, what you feel when you don't talk kindly to each other. Explain to her that you love her and to become your ally in talking to your parents about the situation your currently dealing with. The best thing for you and your sister to do is work together on this. Although i can assume that your parent's are only saying this stuff out of the amount of stress and heavy responsibility they have, they can't ignore both of you.
Next, write your mom and dad letters. It would be best to approach them this way because with stress, they may be too edgy to catch them on a good day. So write two separate letters and give them to your parents when you are all in the house together. In the letter you can include whatever you want to say, whatever you feel. Just make sure you ask them "why would you want to send us away?". Wouldn't that feel like the flood just took you anyway? That's how I would feel if my parents did not want me. Also, remind them how it was before the change of events and remind them that the only thing that has changed is the home NOT the love. Tell them that you should all work together to be the family you all once were. Remember, the house was destroyed and repaired...your relationship and family unit can be repaired as well.
I hope that this helps you, Elle. Keep your hope up and try your best not to play into the anger. People say alot of stuff when they are under alot of stress. The best way to deal with this is simply communicating. Just find the best way to communicate without creating a confrontation.
Its all in communication, Elle. I would suggest talking to your sister first. Get to her when you are both in a good mood and just ask her if you can share something with her. Tell her what you miss about your family, what you feel when your parents yell at you, what you feel when you don't talk kindly to each other. Explain to her that you love her and to become your ally in talking to your parents about the situation your currently dealing with. The best thing for you and your sister to do is work together on this. Although i can assume that your parent's are only saying this stuff out of the amount of stress and heavy responsibility they have, they can't ignore both of you.
Next, write your mom and dad letters. It would be best to approach them this way because with stress, they may be too edgy to catch them on a good day. So write two separate letters and give them to your parents when you are all in the house together. In the letter you can include whatever you want to say, whatever you feel. Just make sure you ask them "why would you want to send us away?". Wouldn't that feel like the flood just took you anyway? That's how I would feel if my parents did not want me. Also, remind them how it was before the change of events and remind them that the only thing that has changed is the home NOT the love. Tell them that you should all work together to be the family you all once were. Remember, the house was destroyed and repaired...your relationship and family unit can be repaired as well.
I hope that this helps you, Elle. Keep your hope up and try your best not to play into the anger. People say alot of stuff when they are under alot of stress. The best way to deal with this is simply communicating. Just find the best way to communicate without creating a confrontation.
elizabeth t
New member
tell them how you feel we are only human and we all have feeling they have to be notified how they are making you and your family feel. Communication
can i say something.yes everyone needs a home definately .i personally haven't been homeless yet but i know people who lost their homes .maybe your parents are scared of something .i think you should talk to your parents separately or together and ask them mom dad dont you love me anymore .we use to be happy .was it me ? was it my fault .{i know it isn't but let them feel guilty .i know they will say no and probably start opening}.tell them home is not just a place but being with the people you love -whether on a desserted island .you know you yourself have to make some changes if not willing you shouldn't expect others to .sometimes you got to lead by example .behind these stupid things you get angry over is a big black hole .the real issue is burried under these stupid things you guys are angry over. .the harsh reality is that your mom or dad or sister etc might no longer be alive the next second and everyone will have regrets .you can be the one who first come forward and put this devil temptation at rest .good luck and pray to jesus christ about it if you are christians .i will pray for your family.remember your family needs you and you need them .