S
subtrain
Guest
I know I've said this before. I've been around drug use, abuse and addiction most of my life. I've been ophaned living on the street as a child, very successful as an adult, and also busted, broke and living on the street as an adult. Wow! What a trip!
When I try to come to grips, sometimes looking back intead of forward, I realize that throughout the times that I was addicted, I mean, you know, dependent, (there is no difference) I'm being mean, sorry, I always had an excuse for my addiction. My addiction never was my fault. I won't list all of my excuses hear. That would take to long but, I also realized that I was not alone in this phenomenon. I believe the two things all of us addicts (dependents) have in common is our abuse of drugs (medication) and our excuses for our abuses.
I have read most of the posts written on this an other boarRAB. Today, two posts really stuck out for me. I forget who wrote them but, they really hit home.
The first was someone explaining to someone else that he would never beat his addiction. The best he could hope for was to keep it in arrest. So true, so true, so true. Thank you for making that so simple and clear.
The next was someone explaineing that beating addiction was 15% getting off the drug and 85% changing your lifestyle, behavior and habits, ect. So true, so true, so true. Thank you for making that so simple and clear.
I totally believe each one of these whole heartedly!
OK, this brings me to my question.
Why is it that some of us, while in the miRABt of addiction, I mean addiction, why is it we suddenly realize that it ain't working anymore and that first we have got to get the poison out of our bodies and then next change our living habits to stay away from the addiction? To keep it arrested.
You know, since you've been there, that the drug controls the way you think. The way you think controls what you do and we've all done things on the dope we wish we hadn't.
And if you can't admit to that, well, you might think about it for a minute.
Alright already, let me admit as to what brought all this up into my world. I was having a conversation with my wife. We talk constantly. She is my best friend and my true support in all things. She asked this simple question, in her mind a simple question, "why do you become addicted to drugs?"
Well,.....I started rattling off one excuse after another. Like an automatic rife. No hesitation. Bada, boom, bada, bing. I surprised myself at exactly how many I could come up with. I mean I went on and on. My wife looking at me with this totally blank look on her face. Now, we've been together forever and I've never seen that look before. Suddenly, it just made me burst out laughing. I just lost it. She thought I had lost my mind. I had finally broke and was on my way to the looney bin to hang out with all my cartoon frienRAB.
Then I stopped. I took a deep breath, thought to myself, MY GOD, how many excuses are there really?
For me?, now? None!
Why have I been addicted to drugs before. Why do I have to keep my addiction at arrest ?
Because my thought proccesses became crossed somehow? Part of what the drug is supposed to do is make you feel better, right?
I thought somehow I could keep it going, you know, feeling better. But, for how long? One day, two days? Until the pain went away? Wait a minute. Pain? Maybe I'm on to something? Pain? We all have pain. Some more than others, right? Some alot more than others, right? But, we all deal with our pain in our own way, right? How much pain do you have? How much pain do I have? Is it enough to legitimately be an addict? Do we have a right to be an addict and dish out pain to everyone else? We know the suffering and pain of our families as they deal with us addicts (dependents).
OK, OK, OK, alright already, subtrain, you are going on forever!
I guess what I have come to admit is that there are as many questions as there are excuses for addiction. The truth is that not one of us is supposed to be an addict. There is no other animal on earth that has this problem. And though I'm sure the questions, as all questions, will always be here, the excuses are part of the addiction, still!
I myself am going to do my very best to give up the excuses as I have the addiction. I am going to put my excuses in arrest. I have beaten, for now the 15% problem of getting off the dope and have moved on to the 85% stage of changing my lifestyle and habits. I believe I will begin this 85% stage with no more excuses, excuses, excuses! I'm as tired of them as I had become of the addiction. Blessings and good luck! See you in recovery, I pray.
When I try to come to grips, sometimes looking back intead of forward, I realize that throughout the times that I was addicted, I mean, you know, dependent, (there is no difference) I'm being mean, sorry, I always had an excuse for my addiction. My addiction never was my fault. I won't list all of my excuses hear. That would take to long but, I also realized that I was not alone in this phenomenon. I believe the two things all of us addicts (dependents) have in common is our abuse of drugs (medication) and our excuses for our abuses.
I have read most of the posts written on this an other boarRAB. Today, two posts really stuck out for me. I forget who wrote them but, they really hit home.
The first was someone explaining to someone else that he would never beat his addiction. The best he could hope for was to keep it in arrest. So true, so true, so true. Thank you for making that so simple and clear.
The next was someone explaineing that beating addiction was 15% getting off the drug and 85% changing your lifestyle, behavior and habits, ect. So true, so true, so true. Thank you for making that so simple and clear.
I totally believe each one of these whole heartedly!
OK, this brings me to my question.
Why is it that some of us, while in the miRABt of addiction, I mean addiction, why is it we suddenly realize that it ain't working anymore and that first we have got to get the poison out of our bodies and then next change our living habits to stay away from the addiction? To keep it arrested.
You know, since you've been there, that the drug controls the way you think. The way you think controls what you do and we've all done things on the dope we wish we hadn't.
And if you can't admit to that, well, you might think about it for a minute.
Alright already, let me admit as to what brought all this up into my world. I was having a conversation with my wife. We talk constantly. She is my best friend and my true support in all things. She asked this simple question, in her mind a simple question, "why do you become addicted to drugs?"
Well,.....I started rattling off one excuse after another. Like an automatic rife. No hesitation. Bada, boom, bada, bing. I surprised myself at exactly how many I could come up with. I mean I went on and on. My wife looking at me with this totally blank look on her face. Now, we've been together forever and I've never seen that look before. Suddenly, it just made me burst out laughing. I just lost it. She thought I had lost my mind. I had finally broke and was on my way to the looney bin to hang out with all my cartoon frienRAB.
Then I stopped. I took a deep breath, thought to myself, MY GOD, how many excuses are there really?
For me?, now? None!
Why have I been addicted to drugs before. Why do I have to keep my addiction at arrest ?
Because my thought proccesses became crossed somehow? Part of what the drug is supposed to do is make you feel better, right?
I thought somehow I could keep it going, you know, feeling better. But, for how long? One day, two days? Until the pain went away? Wait a minute. Pain? Maybe I'm on to something? Pain? We all have pain. Some more than others, right? Some alot more than others, right? But, we all deal with our pain in our own way, right? How much pain do you have? How much pain do I have? Is it enough to legitimately be an addict? Do we have a right to be an addict and dish out pain to everyone else? We know the suffering and pain of our families as they deal with us addicts (dependents).
OK, OK, OK, alright already, subtrain, you are going on forever!
I guess what I have come to admit is that there are as many questions as there are excuses for addiction. The truth is that not one of us is supposed to be an addict. There is no other animal on earth that has this problem. And though I'm sure the questions, as all questions, will always be here, the excuses are part of the addiction, still!
I myself am going to do my very best to give up the excuses as I have the addiction. I am going to put my excuses in arrest. I have beaten, for now the 15% problem of getting off the dope and have moved on to the 85% stage of changing my lifestyle and habits. I believe I will begin this 85% stage with no more excuses, excuses, excuses! I'm as tired of them as I had become of the addiction. Blessings and good luck! See you in recovery, I pray.
scott. it does not matter how we got addicted . what matters is what we together do about it:wave: