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A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
Link To MSPCA As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't think my pet python weally gives a thit."
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was aDuh!!!!! Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart....
But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them in to 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good....
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff, " Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was good....
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, peed on the paper, screwed the other three cats, then claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the remainder of the day.
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball."
He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls."
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said.
He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.
Link To MSPCA As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't think my pet python weally gives a thit."
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was aDuh!!!!! Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart....
But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them in to 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good....
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff, " Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was good....
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, peed on the paper, screwed the other three cats, then claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the remainder of the day.
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball."
He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls."
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said.
He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.