Mezzna Richel
New member
I was awakened a few days ago. It was terrifying. Now it seems like I'm okay again.... but I don't know if I want to see the world that way, that inside I know it actually is. I'm actively denying it, due to fear. I know if I deny it more, I'll eventually forget the experience altogether and not care. Back into the matrix 
should I try again? How do you not make it soooooo scary?
It felt like death. Like I was seeing the world for the first time, without reference to me. It continued unabated... there was no sense of time. It was extremely alien and ungrounding. I actually saw people for who they were though, for the first time. None of what they do is because of me, or whoever I thought I was, it's because of their reality. I just went with it though, and realized my fears were all just in my head.. I thought I was social phobic, but it's a lie! created by me! All the resistance is internal.
anonymous: yes, maybe I do prefer the bliss of ignorance to reality. I have a feeling once you step outside the cave there is no going back, no relating to the world in the way you did prior. it's a permanent change. I don't know. Probably this was worse because I was not meditating at the time, I'm not even that spiritual (consider myself an atheist), it just CLICKED, the sudden all absorbing loss of illusionary control was frightening.
I'm curious about it though... maybe in a few years I'll try again. Not now.
should I try again? How do you not make it soooooo scary?It felt like death. Like I was seeing the world for the first time, without reference to me. It continued unabated... there was no sense of time. It was extremely alien and ungrounding. I actually saw people for who they were though, for the first time. None of what they do is because of me, or whoever I thought I was, it's because of their reality. I just went with it though, and realized my fears were all just in my head.. I thought I was social phobic, but it's a lie! created by me! All the resistance is internal.
anonymous: yes, maybe I do prefer the bliss of ignorance to reality. I have a feeling once you step outside the cave there is no going back, no relating to the world in the way you did prior. it's a permanent change. I don't know. Probably this was worse because I was not meditating at the time, I'm not even that spiritual (consider myself an atheist), it just CLICKED, the sudden all absorbing loss of illusionary control was frightening.
I'm curious about it though... maybe in a few years I'll try again. Not now.