Mezzna Richel
New member
I've always for some reason been into psychology and spirituality and religion and so forth, and a few days ago I started reading about 'ego' and how to break free of it. I tried it. At first it was fun, an adventure, but then when the total "in the moment" living was experienced, it felt terrifying. Like i was not there anymore. Like the world would go on without me. I realized the ego was fiction, a product of the mind, and any and all fears I've ever had or will have are a result of thought. For once the mask was unveiled and reality was seen in all its unfiltered and unpredictable wonder.
People are not reacting to Me. there's no me. There probably never was. Even now, the voice I'm talking, it's not ME.
It felt extremely scary to be so ungrounded, like hell in fact, I was spooked and desperately clung to ego by telling myself outloud who I am and what I like, etc. It was like they, everyone, would go on without me, they would adjust, but I, my form, both physical and mental, would die, while the true me would still be here. Just really confusing!! Totally totally out of my comfort zone... but it was just a comfort zone within which I've been living, not life.
I don't know. It's been a while and I've sort of relegated the experience to just that, a weird moment in time, or maybe a mental mind trick designed to service my desires to be omnipotent and fearless or some crap, and come on, reincarnation? Karma? Everything linked into one whole? Everyone representations of the Consciousness, which is God? Lies. i'm making myself deluded and playing with fire. i'll end up in a mental ward at this rate. I'm an atheist. I've completed a science degree at a good university. I know what's real and not real..........................
Sooo.... in a sense it feels like I'm talking to myself, but what do you think? Should I continue on this path, or was it a huge mistake and this was meant to show me that? I want to dismiss it... just another kooky religious idea.. but another part of me thinks, how can seeing be wrong? how can simply using your senses be wrong? if that's wrong, what the heck is right?
I'm lost. I hate this mental polarity I've been forced to confront.
People are not reacting to Me. there's no me. There probably never was. Even now, the voice I'm talking, it's not ME.
It felt extremely scary to be so ungrounded, like hell in fact, I was spooked and desperately clung to ego by telling myself outloud who I am and what I like, etc. It was like they, everyone, would go on without me, they would adjust, but I, my form, both physical and mental, would die, while the true me would still be here. Just really confusing!! Totally totally out of my comfort zone... but it was just a comfort zone within which I've been living, not life.
I don't know. It's been a while and I've sort of relegated the experience to just that, a weird moment in time, or maybe a mental mind trick designed to service my desires to be omnipotent and fearless or some crap, and come on, reincarnation? Karma? Everything linked into one whole? Everyone representations of the Consciousness, which is God? Lies. i'm making myself deluded and playing with fire. i'll end up in a mental ward at this rate. I'm an atheist. I've completed a science degree at a good university. I know what's real and not real..........................
Sooo.... in a sense it feels like I'm talking to myself, but what do you think? Should I continue on this path, or was it a huge mistake and this was meant to show me that? I want to dismiss it... just another kooky religious idea.. but another part of me thinks, how can seeing be wrong? how can simply using your senses be wrong? if that's wrong, what the heck is right?
I'm lost. I hate this mental polarity I've been forced to confront.