Embarrassed and desperate to tears

B

Brittles

New member
I need advice.

I am so erabarrassed to even think about this, but something neeRAB to be done. And I am most comfortable talking about it here-rather than with anyone else.
It's silly and stupid more than anything. The other day I went to the gynecologist. I am terrified of the doctors, and of needles. But usually the gynecologist is fine, nothing to worry about. They typically do not take blood or anything like that. However I was worried I had an issue with low iron. The nurse suggested a finger stick (which normally is fine..but not that day), and when the doctor came in, I explained that I was afraid of needles, etc etc. When she asked why, for no reason whatsoever I became extremely upset. I was shaking, had trouble breathing and talking, and felt nauseous.
It was the most erabarrassing thing in my life. I thought that I had mild anxiety, and it wasn't going to affect me this bad. From time to time I worried and it acted up, but it never really got in the way and affected my life. The only time it acted up was when I unexpectedly came across a syringe of some sort, or in a doctors office or a hospital. Even then I would not burst into tears so suddenly, without knowing why.
I would not complain or even care if it was anything else like elevators or spiders that gave me these attacks. However, going to the doctors is pretty necessary. I don't want to end up skipping appointments or not bothering to get a checkup or be too afraid to go.
My gynecologist suggested going to a counselor, but I am too afraid and ashamed to do anything. I get upset at the thought of what happened.
I am also afraid that I will be forced to take medication of some sort. I don't know why, I am just uncomfortable with the thought. And I never had luck with pills anyways-unless they were fairly small. I choke on them, which is probably why I try to avoid them.
It seems like I'm completely afraid of doing anything that relates to doctors. It's getting out of hand, I don't know what to do.
Help would be greatly appreciated.

Also- I know that sometimes you just gotta suck things up and do them. But please, I just want advice. I get those comments all the time at home. My brother sister and my mother think that I am a coward, but they don't get how badly my anxiety gets when I'm around doctors and things like that.
 
One thing that I would suggest is a book that has helped me with my shortcomings in facing my fears.I ran across the author, by accident, on a TV "filler" for Time Warner,my Internet provider.He was giving his techniques to a hundred or so women,to give them a tool to handle situations in a way that
will give stress-free tools to handle ALL circumstances.The author is Marshall
Rosenberg.I have used this method to handle my long-estranged,first-born.His
outfit has local informal ties with our State University of NY.If his stuff was taught to our children,there would be less bullying,more empathy,and as he says...far less wars in the world. I am totally in agreement with him.Please have
a look-see,and I promise you,you will never be intimidated by anyone again.Lots of luck to you. Bill
 
please do not feel erabarrased as we are all on these boarRAB for one reason- we suffer (and i mean suffer) from anxiety and i think yours is one of the most common- hospitals and needles and especially thinking about blood is torture for many people so do not feel like you are the only one- i too would recommend any self help books you can find to give you some guidance and maybe some steps to address your fears- i would also use the internet and research as much as possible about hospital related anxiety-sometimes just knowing so many others are going through the same thing you are helps you accept this is a common occurence and can be dealt with and if you need to see a counselor- do so- it is amazing how just opening up to a complete stranger makes you feel so much better- it does not mean you will need medication- that is your choice- and do NOT give up on going to the doctor- that is how you really end up in trouble - if you have health issues they need to be taken care of- good luck in your journey-
 
Thank you for the reply. And I do not plan on giving up the doctors...I realize it is very necessary to go, especially after the past few days.
Naturally, since I was afraid of the hospital, my luck allowed me to get some sort of blocked gland. The swelling became so bad I had to go the Emergency Room-accompanied by my boyfriend and my mother of course. I made them push me in a wheelchair because I wouldn't be able to just willingly walk in there, it would just kill me.
It was a trip from hell, complete with tons of needles and crying and even staying the night. But I think it helped my anxiety quite a bit. Going to the hospital and thinking about going are two entirely separate things. When I think of it, I always think of somehow getting injured badly, unable to move, and going in alone. That's just my mind in overdrive. The needles aren't nearly as painful, though the turnnakit (sp?) sucks hard core. It's all in my head. I fear the hospital, and get anxiety attack when I get there-so naturally I'm going to feel worse too, and be tense, which doesn't make things better.
Eventually I learned to relax a little bit, and for one day of my stay I was anxiety free for the most part, though I paid for it the next day by being curled up in a ball the whole day. I got out yesterday, and I'm back to the exact same way before. Can't look at needles, and get so anxious just thinking about my trip to the hospital, but now I have comfort in knowing that if I need to go again, it won't be as bad as I always thought it was. :]
Thanks for the advice guys!
 
I used to have ALOT of anxiety about going to the doctor's office and especially getting shots or having blood drawn. I mean I would do anything that I could to avoid getting a shot or blood drawn but I realized that the worrying was usually the worst part. I still can't actually look at the needle go in but turn my head. The person that draws my blood usually worries that I am going to faint or that I am going to stop breathing but I just tell them I can't watch the needle and if they talk to me while they are drawing the blood then it usually goes alot better.

At least you are not as bad as my ex-wife. She had terrible anxiety and actually passed out when I got her to give blood. Then when I had surgery on my foot, she was in the recovery room with me and actually passed out when she saw me try to get up and realized that I was in pain. She could not stand to see someone in pain, it made her nausea, lightheaded and sometimes pass out. It helps to talk about it and maybe getting a counselor would help too.

brian
 
Your not alone I get white coat fever and when I go in they take my blood pressure and it goes up. I fear they are going to find something really wrong with me. I don't mind needles but I also worry for my kiRAB. I guess I developed because all the minor things that has happened to me in the past.

If you can try to meditate. This usually calms me down before I go to the doctors.
 
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