Edited poem. Old and new one, what one is better?

B

Beth

New member
Old:

Locked up
Locked aways
Safe from you
Safe from everyone
Are my silent screams
Are my tears of pain
You broke me down
You took my heart
I brought a blade to my Life
I brought a wall of broken trust as well
Put up a new wall
Put up with the blame*
Nocked myself down
Nocked myself away from you
Sliced my viens open from every angle possible*
Sliced my heart open to bits and pieces
Laying on the ground are the drippings of blood*
Laying on the ground I am for I'm too weak to get back up.

New(edited):

Locked up
Locked aways
Safe from you
Safe from everyone
Are my silent screams
Are my tears of pain
You broke me down
You took my heart
I brought a black sharp rose with dashes of red in my life
I brought a wall of broken trust as well
Put up a new wall
Put up with the blame*
Nocked myself down
Nocked myself away from you
The rose sliced my viens open from every angle possible*
The rose sliced my heart open to bits and pieces
Laying on the ground are the drippings of blood*
Laying on the ground I am for I'm too weak to get back up.
*
*
 
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