While the majority of people in our society tend to put emphasis on finding someone to connect with on a physical and emotional level, I don't'.
I used to think that maybe one day I would mature enough to feel this. But even as I get older and out of my teenage years, I find that nothing has changed. When it comes to love I find it as only a form of entertainment... a game of 'tag-hide-and-go-seek', almost like a hunt. But while many may do this for sexual purposes, I don't do it for that either. In fact, the idea of that doesn't turn me on... the idea of seeing the weakness love causes in others does.
I don't take advantage of these weaknesses, I only simply just want to see them there. I love the way it feels to see them there. And I will play the game and mold myself into who they like... until I see that weakness. and the harder it is to please them, the more I tend to enjoy the game.... until eventually they admit those feelings and I loss interest because I know i won (NOTE: I don't just push them away, I do it as kindly and politely as possible, because I respect them and realize that this isn't their fault, it's mine.)
And if they don't fall for the game. I don't get frustrated. I admire and respect them, then move on (usually).
I know it shouldn't be this way. I know what love is supposed to mean. I know that people have this strive for it. But I don't. I exploit the whole idea of it and can't get myself to stop and love someone, because even if they love me and TELL me they love me, or even just telling me they want to **** me... I only see it as 'okay. I've won this game.'
I used to think that maybe one day I would mature enough to feel this. But even as I get older and out of my teenage years, I find that nothing has changed. When it comes to love I find it as only a form of entertainment... a game of 'tag-hide-and-go-seek', almost like a hunt. But while many may do this for sexual purposes, I don't do it for that either. In fact, the idea of that doesn't turn me on... the idea of seeing the weakness love causes in others does.
I don't take advantage of these weaknesses, I only simply just want to see them there. I love the way it feels to see them there. And I will play the game and mold myself into who they like... until I see that weakness. and the harder it is to please them, the more I tend to enjoy the game.... until eventually they admit those feelings and I loss interest because I know i won (NOTE: I don't just push them away, I do it as kindly and politely as possible, because I respect them and realize that this isn't their fault, it's mine.)
And if they don't fall for the game. I don't get frustrated. I admire and respect them, then move on (usually).
I know it shouldn't be this way. I know what love is supposed to mean. I know that people have this strive for it. But I don't. I exploit the whole idea of it and can't get myself to stop and love someone, because even if they love me and TELL me they love me, or even just telling me they want to **** me... I only see it as 'okay. I've won this game.'