Does this poem sound okay? ?

  • Thread starter Thread starter ~Love~
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~Love~

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im not sure if it makes sense.. ive never written a poem I wrote this for my mom..but im not sure if it is okay or not.. (im 14 if that matters)

(Untitled) (suggestions?)

I'm your little girl
On the tilt-a-whirl
Growing so fast
Never forgetting the past

Ever since i was young
You've been like a lung
Yournever endingg love
Was sent from above

I could do no wrong
Only stand strong
Always talking
Never walking

A million smiles
Or a million miles
You'll be there
No matter the fair

You'll be there in a flash
No matter the cash
To dry my tears
Though my fears

Your the first
To some and nurse
When i'm sick
You'll find the trick

Always stopping
While shopping
Looking for the greatest
Looking for the lastest

You cook abd clean
Things never as first seen
You desever a thank you
For all you do

Remember when
We laid in the den
After school-time
Not worrying about bed-time

I'm your little girl
On the tilt-a-whirl
Growing so fast
Never forgetting the past
Sorry for type-os!!
Edited!!

I'm your little girl
On the tilt-a-whirl
Growing so fast
Never forgetting the past

Ever since i was young
You've been like a lung
Your never ending love
Was sent from above

I could do no wrong
Only stand strong
Always talking
Never walking

A million smiles
Or a million miles
You'll be there
No matter the fair

You'll be there in a flash
No matter the cash
To dry my tears
Though my fears

Your the first
To come and nurse
When i'm sick
You'll find the trick

Always stopping
While shopping
Looking for the greatest
Looking for the lastest

You cook and clean
Things never as first seen
You desever a thank you
For all you do

Remember when
We laid in the den
After school-time
Not worrying about bed-time

I'm your little girl
On the tilt-a-whirl
Growing so fast
Never forgetting the past
 
You are a little girl
worth many of pearls
When you are sad
it is time to be glad
You are the best
The others are the rest
 
i think it was a great poem. and poems don't have to rhyme. there are many different kinds. but over all your poem is good.
 
I'm sorry
I think it was very creative but when you try too hard to make a poem rhyme, it ends up not making too much sense, besides sometimes poems that don't rhyme can show more meaning and emotion and can seem more serious, in a good way, like mature...
 
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