B
bchblndbabe17
Guest
I wrote a poem and turned it into my teacher who gave it back and told me she didn't understand it, that i should rewrite it without a rhyming scheme and turn it in for a regrade. So this is my attempt at rewriting it and I don't know if it still counts as poetry.
If you could please tell me if this really does count as poetry or give me any editing comments that would be great!
Rain
Drip Drop Drip Drop, the sky is falling down and
as if imitating my grief, it never seems to cease.
Each raindrop fills my heart with sorrow, and
It feels as if the rain is pouring just for me.
I lean over and look out the window, only to see
A little girl weeping, soaked through with tears.
She is caught outside in the rain without a coat,
Crying out in distress to anyone who will listen.
Everyone is running past her without even a glance,
So maybe the downpour is here to mock her despair.
I want to reach out and help her, try to comfort her,
But, something is holding me back, keeping me prisoner.
Now everything outside my window is becoming a blur,
It seems almost as if all of this is just a bad dream.
As the rain begins to slow, finally a passerby notices her,
I watch as they run over to the little girl and try to hold her.
But it is too late, the girl is already melting with the rain,
Drip drop Drip drop, cruel fate has overcome her with misery.
Everything fades away, I begin to awake from this illusion and,
I can feel the cold tears from the night before upon my cheeks.
If you could please tell me if this really does count as poetry or give me any editing comments that would be great!
Rain
Drip Drop Drip Drop, the sky is falling down and
as if imitating my grief, it never seems to cease.
Each raindrop fills my heart with sorrow, and
It feels as if the rain is pouring just for me.
I lean over and look out the window, only to see
A little girl weeping, soaked through with tears.
She is caught outside in the rain without a coat,
Crying out in distress to anyone who will listen.
Everyone is running past her without even a glance,
So maybe the downpour is here to mock her despair.
I want to reach out and help her, try to comfort her,
But, something is holding me back, keeping me prisoner.
Now everything outside my window is becoming a blur,
It seems almost as if all of this is just a bad dream.
As the rain begins to slow, finally a passerby notices her,
I watch as they run over to the little girl and try to hold her.
But it is too late, the girl is already melting with the rain,
Drip drop Drip drop, cruel fate has overcome her with misery.
Everything fades away, I begin to awake from this illusion and,
I can feel the cold tears from the night before upon my cheeks.